Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

I went on an emotional roller coaster today. A huge one. Yesterday's was milder.

Yesterday, I saw this tall, cute, dark blonde Caucasian guy going down the stairs at the Atrium, along with an Asian girl. I became green-eyed. Hahah. So I kinda said out loud to Nisa and Tini "I'm SO jealous!". I must have said that a little bit too loud cuz the guy suddenly wrapped his left arm around the girl's waist. And laughing. MY GOD! I wanted to kick his butt.

I SO want a tall, handsome, short dark blonde hair that's so soft that warm pleasure would rush over me when I run my fingers through it, body to drool for, mesmerizing blue/green/brown of any shade eyes, nice knee-melting smile and a personality and status to boot. *Drops head into hands*. I can just KEEP ON DREAMING! I could be describing Prince William for all I know.

I just want to fall in love. I want someone to touch me deeply with something he does or say. Any simple, sweet gestures that makes me smile and makes my heart race and swell until I'm giddy.

Today, it started with dread. Then it turned into nervousness because I have a "Sign the Singapore Pledge test". Ivan will only choose 4 people but those who didn't get picked but still want to participate, may do so. Meaning, even if I don't get chosen, I'd still can choose to continue on and perform. But I really, REALLY want to get participate because I am one of the best (being picked), not because I can still choose to participate, to perform on National Day. I practiced and practiced everyday. Even when I was doing my business in the bathroom.

When I was in the train on the way to school, my heart started to beat faster and faster at each stop nearer to my destination. I almost couldn't sit still. I actually brought a hand to my chest in an attempt to calm my heart. Not that it worked. But an SMS got me distracted from my galloping heart. =) He said something. And it was sweet. That's what I meant when I say I wanna be touched. It's just words with no sweet-talking whatsoever.

Oh, be still my heart. Haha.

When I got to school, met the rest, and it was my turn to sign, I really expected someone to comment my trembling. My heart was really beating so hard and fast that if I didn't know better, I would have thought I'm having Ventricular Tachycardia, a heart problem. I thought my whole body was shaking with each thud. I was on the point of extreme nervousness. I guess it was super obvious cuz the rest were saying "Relax, relax!" and making me laugh and stuff. So I finally did it. I don't know how to say it in a more humble way, but I AWED them. They were impressed. Ivan was really impressed. Well, what can I say? It would kill me if after all the practice, I fail to do it well.

So obviously, extreme nervousness subsided to relief. I was like "Phew, phew!", pretending to wipe perspiration on my forehead with the back of my hands. Now, all I can do is wait for his message whether he'd choose me or not. If he doesn't, wah, extreme disappointment, man.

So after that we just sat and talked. It was nice. Even though it's only been like 3 official lessons and 2 extra meetings for this pledge signing thing, I'm starting to love HI Club already. The people in it are damn nice. The only regret I have is not joining it when I first stepped into Ngee Ann Poly. It's just too damn bad that I only have one semester with them. But Ivan said something sweet. Something like "I don't care, I'm going to teach you until Basic 2." Or was it Basic B? Whatever. I just hope he meant it. I'm definitely gonna miss everything and everyone I've ever known in Ngee Ann Poly.

Sigh.. Why does everything just seem nicer when it's near the end of something? Ok not everything. But the same thing happened when I was in secondary school. I only started to enjoy things during the last years of school. Only this poly life is much much better, much more enjoyable. Maybe it's because I'm older, more mature, more aware of everything than I was back then.

So back to the present. When we started to leave, this group of Malay guys sitting at the table behind me got cheeky on me. They started to smile and said 'bye' again and again and waving at me, trying to get my attention. I was like "What the bloody hell!!!" I wanted to run for my life but Jocelyn was walking so darn slowly and she was going my way also. So it wouldn't be nice if I just rush off leaving her behind, right? I was trying to ignore them into non-existence but I had to look back to see whether Jocelyn was catching up with me but she wasn't so I had to walk back and ask her to walk faster, making my ignoring the guys a lot harder. All the while the guys were looking at me, grinning and waving. I wanted to DIE! I was SO embarrassed! And I was disgusted to the CORE! EWWW! YUCK, YUCK, YUCK! Somehow, I was SO NOT flattered at the attention they were giving me. GROSS! Seriously!

Anyway, trying to recover from the trauma, I thought back on the recent memories of ace-ing the pledge and impressing the VP. It worked. But my mood blackened because of my mother. I shan't say much about it.

But it was short-lived cuz Ais messaged me about me being sick and stuff. Haha! Thanks ah! But I made a quick recovery. My fighting cells - pretty good stuff. Hahah. And what a coincidence that I saw her in the train with me. She was with her boyfriend. I saw him first and moved a little since I KNOW Ais would be there too. I think I looked like a goldfish out of water when I saw them. Hahah. Tried to get Ais's attention but in vain. So I phoned her cell. Hahah. And she saw me. Hahaha.

Got home, watched Heroes. Good show, it is.
In my own world,
10:43 PM

I'm blogging too much! It's becoming an obsession. I should go on hiatus for, like, 2 to 3 weeks or so.

I've to mug for my upcoming common tests. I'm hoping to get excellent grades for this common tests cuz it shouldn't be THAT difficult. Only 7 weeks of school. How can I NOT get excellent grades right?

This coming Saturday. I SHOULD start.

Anyway, I've watched Saving Private Ryan. Erm.. my tear bucket is desert dry. I was looking forward to the feeling of tears running down my cheeks. Haha. Like that's ever a good thing. Even if it's happy tears. I'd rather smile and laugh a lot because I'm happy rather than have happy tears running down my face. Anyway, back to what I was saying. What was so sad about the movie? So Tom Hanks died after being shot. It's not like he was all over Matt Damon, saving him from all the bullets.

Hmm.. how can this be? Why did everyone I asked who've watched this movie teared while I didn't? I mean of all people, I would expect MYSELF to weep (I've accepted the fact that I'm actually quite emotional). Maybe it's the VCD Aisiah gave me. Maybe some parts of it was cut or something.

Most of the time, while I watched the movie, I was exclaiming "Oh my GOD! Oh my GOD!" cuz they showed shots being shot into the eye, and the intestines coming out and oh! one of this guy's lost an arm and he was actually standing up searching for his amputated arm, and then carrying it off somewhere. I would even say that the movie's funny! Cuz one part Tom Hanks found a 'Ryan' but it was the wrong Ryan and he told him his brothers were dead and when the wrong Ryan asked how his brother died, Tom Hanks said they were killed in action (KIA). Then the wrong Ryan said with confusion, how could that be, they're only in ground school? HAHAHAH. Oh and there's this part that pissed me off so bad I accidentally banged my head against my seat's arm rest. This guy was scared to the core that he collapsed, crying on the stairs while his fellow.. uh.. soldier? is being killed by the enemy. Like, what the hell?

Hmm.. maybe I just don't get the whole movie. I so much prefer Pearl Harbor and Black Hawk Down. Josh Hartnett is LOVE.

OK. I'm going to be the Phantom now and disappear in thin air and not come back until about 3 weeks.

Ciao!
In my own world,
9:20 PM

I am currently 40.6kg.

OK.

The middle part of my sternum, a.k.a my breastbone, is SORE from being poked so many times! The cause is sign language. I'm practicing signing my song and there's a lot of 'me' in it. So the sign for 'me' is you point your fingers towards yourself and touch the fingertips to your chest, or more specifically, your sternum. And it's not like it's the most fatty part of your body. At least mine isn't. So being the amateur that I am, I was rushing to sign along with the song. So every time the 'me' comes in, I'm rapidly, practically, piercing myself with my slender fingers. And it hurts after like 50 over times of poking that area.

On to another topic.

I realized, from my past experiences, that when I sleep and in the middle of my sleep I have the strongest urge to urinate or pass motion, I'm having the weirdest dream ever, before I finally gave in and woke up to relieve myself. I kinda NOT like all this weird dreams. So before I go to bed, I've ensured that I haven't and wouldn't eat anything that could irritate my gastrointestinal tract or my renal system.

Anyway, I went jogging today with Tini, Ais and Nisa. I jogged 6 rounds (which I'm told is 2.4km, which is the distance that we're supposed to run/jog/walk for NAPFA, a fitness test) in the time of 5 songs, non stop.

The songs were:
1. That Thing You Do by The Wonders
2. This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race by Fall Out Boy
3. It's Not Over by Chris Daughtry
4. Keep Your Hands Off My Girl by Good Charlotte
5. Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne (awesome song to jog to, seriously)

Give me a minute while I add up the duration for all these songs. 1,007 seconds, which is 16 mins 47 secs. I ran 2.4km for 16mins 47secs. Which means.. not bad for someone who doesn't really like to run, who hasn't been exercising for about 2 years, who hasn't really watched what she ate. Yes? Need to buck up though. I don't think I can get 5 points for this timing.

On to another topic.

I saw Bring It On Again. This cheerleader movie. I wish I could be a cheerleader. I like doing the steps and being thrown in the air. Anyway, I also wanted to see Saving Private Ryan. Aisiah lend me the VCD. I'm expecting myself to cry buckets since that's all everyone who have watched it said. They all teared. So I'm trying to find out what's so nice about this movie. Finally, my curiosity is being squelched.

Well, that's all for now.

What should I do during my holidays?
In my own world,
11:51 PM

You see, I kinda reserved like a few books last week from my school library. And lost count of how many books I'd actually reserved. When I finally received a notice that the reserved books are finally available for collection, I didn't think I would receive all of them at once. 4 thick, heavy books were stacked in front of me when I asked the librarian for them. I was like, what the hell. So I went home with a heavy bag.

Anyway, one of the books I reserved is Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera Companion. It contains the original screenplay. It's the movie version though not that different from the musical. All the scripts and songs and all the description of the movie are in there. I know, I know, haven't I had enough of Phantom of the Opera already? Well, I guess the answer to that is.. NO!!

Today I started reading the script, all the Christine's and Phantom's and all the other characters' lines. At the singing part, instead of just reading the lyrics, I turned on the music too. So it really brought me back to the musical and the movie. Came to the ending, that I started crying. My God! The Phantom's love for Christine is so damn strong and passionate! My heart bleeds for the Phantom. Like I said in 2004, when I first saw the movie, I'd rather be with the Phantom than Raoul. But that's just me. Imagine if Christine really went for the Phantom. The whole impact wouldn't be there.

On to another topic for today.

Today has been marked by me, and those who had witnessed my utter foolishness for doing what I did, namely Aisyah and Tini, as the Ultimate Embarrassing Day of my life. I canNOT believe I went to ask 4 guys to help me complete a survey. I actually wanted to ask only one of them, the one whom I USED (note: USED) to have a huge stupid crush on since Year 1 but since the other 3 were already there, why not, right? Wouldn't want them to feel left out.

After much persuasion from Ais and Tini, I actually got up from my seat and approached them, with Vani, who happened to have mysteriously disappeared from the Canteen after making the introduction. The humiliation was great, as great as Titanic. Those who don't know what happened, reading this, you'd be like "What's so embarrassing?" Well.. (suspense, suspense).. I'm not going to tell you. Hahah. I have to save what little face I have left that hasn't been burned already by the heat from my embarrassment.

I could have just glued my butt (which is smaller than his) to my seat and not give any attention to Aisyah's and Tini's persuasion, but nooooo, I had to grumble and mumble while I collect my stuff for the survey. And THEN, approach them. Gawd! The whole time I was asking them the questions I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter. So much so that I thought I looked as bloated as a tomato. But I guess I didn't. Actually his face was redder than mine. Not from embarrassment though. Hahah.

I was wishing someone could have slapped me and wake me up from the horrible, horrible nightmare. I was wishing a miracle would happen and blinding lights from above would shine on their eyes while I make an escape. They'll be wondering what had happened and promptly forgot all about me. I was wishing I was in a movie where I could rewind the tape and delete everything from the moment I stood up to approach them to the part where I thanked them for taking part in the survey.

On to another topic.

I've made my mind up yesterday that I might actually want to migrate overseas. Life in Singapore is too hard and too EXPENSIVE. The government actually wants to increase GST to, what?, 7% is it? Not that I follow every detail of the news. I just know that it's increasing. They're doing this because they want to increase the pay of the ministers. I'm like WHAT?? Seriously, aren't Singapore rich enough? When I say Singapore I don't mean the citizens. I meant the country, the government or whoever that keeps the money that they use to build state-of-the-art buildings, that they use to build the giant Ferris Wheel that costs like a few millions. And the Casino and Integrated Resort they're introducing. Where does all that money they use come from? Seeing that they are able to afford all these rubbish, don't you think Singapore's rich? But they're asking for more! Unbelieveable. Like this, how can they NOT expect their own citizens to move away from their own country?
In my own world,
10:57 PM

Hello, world! A world of only 6 of you. Hahah!

I'm in a pleasant mood today. Laughed a lot in school with Ais and Tini. Well.. mostly they were laughing at ME. Not as if I did anything funny. I'm the one in confusion really. But I had fun.

Had my 2nd Sign Language class today. Very nice! Started learning signing the song we're supposed to perform during our closing ceremony. The song's call "Take Me To Your Heart" by Michael Learns To Rock. It's difficult especially when the song's played at it's normal speed. I'm like messing up so much. But, bugger it, you're never gonna find me giving up.

Right now I keep repeating the song and signing the verse we already learnt. Wah can die sia. Keep on forgetting the next sign. Argh!!

Not only that. I signed up for the National Day Singapore Pledge thing. So there's gonna be like extra lessons for me and the others who signed up also. Ivan said not to be said if we're not chosen for the day itself. But then, I know I'd be really disappointed if I don't get picked. Therefore, I'm going to practice it everyday until it's become a habit. I don't care. I'll practice it everywhere, I tell you.

So anyway, here are the pictures we took during the class outing and during Vani's birthday party.



In my own world,
9:38 PM

Well, hello there.

I had an awesome, AWESOME day today with my fellow classmates. We went ice skating together with our class mentor for our class outing. It's my second time there, so it's not like I'm a pro at skating or anything. But I had a blast falling all over the place like a fruit from a tree. SO exhilarating. Ais and I especially were screaming like nobody's business. I didn't know falling could be so much fun. Even though I may look oh-so-not-pro, falling so many times, one time, I actually fell gracefully. So gracefully that people would have thought it was on purpose, like a performance. Hahaha! Anyway, I felt like a sponge or a freaking mop cuz I absorbed the ice water. My jeans were drenched at the end of the day. My gloves were soaked through that when I squeezed them, water was actually dribbling from it. Cam-whored, too.

Both times of ice skating (one with Wilson, the other today, with my class) were two of the best days of my life because I spent time falling and laughing with people I really love, my friends.

After that, we proceeded to Pizza Hut for our dinner. YUM! Coincidentally, it was Wendy's birthday. So we had a cake. Her birthday is so fun! Ice skating, pizza hut, birthday cake, birthday song AND a ride home from Aaron, spent with all her close friends. Lucky girl.

After that, all of us went our seperate ways. I went to meet Mumtaz. It's been like a thousand years since we last saw each other. She said I'm getting prettier. Yay! Anyway, we didn't do much. Just sat and ate and talked. After that met her boyfriend and her boyfriend's friend. Two good-looking people I would say. Although the other one smoked like he lives on that polluted air. I could have choked to death and he wouldn't have even understand it was the cigarette smoke. Like, how can cigarette smoke kill you right? [Said sarcastically]. Sheesh. But they were nice people. I think I could like them.

Got home at 12am on the dot. While changing out of my clothes, I saw bruises on my body. There's one on my right arm, huge ones on my knees and one on each of my butt ckeeks. Ouch, please. But, again, again!! Hahaha. I love ice skating!

Will be going out again, later, at 6 in the evening for Vani's 21st birthday party.

Photos will be up once I get them. Stay tuned.
In my own world,
12:37 AM

Hello all 6 of you whom I've invited to view my blog. Yes, there're only 6. Cuz you're the only ones who really frequent my blog. There could be others but.. who cares.

I'm bored.

Do you know I still have goosebumbs when I listen to the Phantom of the Opera soundtracks? As the songs play, I'm being brought back to the Esplanade Concert Hall Seat CC 40, reliving the scenes of passionate singing and love. The grandness of it all, it was phenomenal. I'll never forget that day for as long as I shall live. I can never talk about the performance without getting so excited that my voice will become high pitched and my heart begins to race and my hands become the fluttering of a butterfly's wings. Andrew Lloyd Webber is a genius!

On to another topic.

Something outrageous happened in school today. I, as well as Tini and Ais, were called in by our lecturer for an interrogation! Ok, not so much as an interrogation as a short Q&A session. We were suspected of taking a Year 2 HS student's (our own junior!) poor little 5 months old Sony Ericsson handphone with a micro SD card in it that holds, as I've been told, ALL her projects and assignments, without permission. Stealing, I tell you! That poor girl could actually describe us and pin point our faces in a photograph! What is the meaning of this? God! I feel like I'm standing in a straight line with other criminals with numbers over our heads in front of a mirror which only people on the other side could see through. I am NOT a thief, excuse-bloody-you. I don't even like that particular model anyway. My loyalty stays with Samsung, thanks very much.

Nad, stop with your silly drama.

Ok, so she didn't exactly SAY we took her handphone. She said that while in the toilet, she thought she might have left her handphone in there, when these Year 3 students (us) came in after her. After which, she claims, her handphone's missing. Aisiah told us that the victim [said with venom dripping all over] described Tini, Aisyah and I to the brink of perfection. Woah! What a bloody good observer she is. She could even describe what we were wearing! She described me as the quiet one, and get this, who lives at Pasir Ris! How in the world she knew this particular data of mind, I'd never know. At least not yet. For all I know, she could be a stalker. The thing is, we don't even know who she is. But there she is, actually pointed out Aisyah's and my face in a photograph taken when we were in Taman Negara.

Simply astonishing. She'll be a wonderful person to be with when you got robbed. She might help you out describing to the police everything about the thief from his clothing to the number of wrinkles in his face. Geez!
In my own world,
10:34 PM

My mood made a 180 degrees turn at 6pm today. =)

I went jogging with Tini and Wilson. Tini and I, 4 rounds non-stop. Quite an accomplishment. Wilson. Hmm.. He.. Can't compare with us la. He jogs frequently so.. we were like halfway running a round, while he was off somewhere, when he suddenly appeared in front of us. I was like what the hell.. Did he wear rollerblades or something?

After that we all sat down for a while and talked. Pleasant-ness! I kind of embarrassed myself by doing something wrong. Shan't say what it was. Hahah.

Then Tini and I went to City Hall to look at stuff. I wanted to buy nice soft leather or cotton or woolen gloves. Those lady-like, elegant ones. I wanted white. Unfortunately, we couldn't find it. There was this pair of black gloves that was quite nice but it costs a bomb. Will somebody sweet please get me a pair of nice white, wrist-length gloves?

Walked a lot and now I'm exhausted. And sleepy. There's a test tomorrow. Don't think I'm gonna do well for it.. so..

Goodnight, world.

P.S. Books are the love of my life.
In my own world,
10:24 PM

I had my first lesson of Sign Language class today. It was fun. I have an eye candy in HI-Club. *wink*

On the way home, tears actually welled up in my eyes cuz I miss him so. much. I just miss the old times.

Today, however interesting and fun it was, some things didn't cease to dim the good light. I had quite an outstanding number of people saying 'sorry' to me in less than an hour.

I'm actually expecting another one.

I'm so emotionally exhausted.

[Updated at 22:32]

Wah.. I think my life is all about caring for myself and only myself. Cuz in my life, caring and bothering for someone else is damn heartbreaking.

Omg.. I'm like so depressed that I'm flat on the floor, that people would think I'm an amazing fossil.
In my own world,
9:50 PM

*SSSCCCRRREEEAAAMMM!!!*

You'd never guess where I went today. I went to see Phantom of the Opera at the Esplanade!! I finally got to see it! LIVE!!

Who haven't seen it? Go and get the cheapest ticket and see the play. I said GO!

I never thought I'd believe media, especially Singapore celebrities (not that I have anything against them), that they enjoyed the show a lot. I thought they're all probably just saying it for the sake of publicity. Boy, was I wrong. I was so wrong, you'd never believe I was ever right. Make sense? Yes, it does. Go read it again and again until you make sense out of it.

It was spectacular, amazing, breathtaking, excellent, grand, beautiful, attention-capturing, dazzling, fabulous, fantastic, impressive, magnificent, marvelous, sensational, splendid, stupendous, stunning, staggering, wonderful, extraordinary. It was goosebumps-inducing. It was THAT good. THAT GOOD, I tell you! The props, the design, the decoration, the outfits, the music, the song, the acting, the VOICE, it was ALL THAT. The performers' performance was absolutely superb!

When it started, I could hardly keep still in my seat. I was clenching my teeth and sinking my nails into my cheeks to prevent myself from screeching and shrieking and screaming in amazement and excitement. I had goosebumps every 5 seconds that I felt like a prickly, pop-ly, poke-ly porcupine. I always have goosebumps when I see or hear something amazing, something out of this world.

If I had retarded hands with 10 thumbs, I'd raise all of them. I'd throw roses onto the stage if that was allowed. I'd give a standing ovation so high, people would think I'm flying.

I would probably go see it again if it comes back to Singapore. If I'm somewhere overseas, and it's there, I'll definitely see it. Every country which I'm at and The Phantom of the Opera is performing, you'll see me there.

It was awesome.

Thank God Wilson wanted to see it too, if not I wouldn't have had a chance to go see it. Thank the whole universe I asked him. He didn't asked me cuz he thought I'm not into this kind of stuff. Come on, man. Don't you know I'm the classy, art-sy type? Haha.

When Tini reads my blog, she gets a laugh because I tend to exaggerate and get sarcastic a lot. I'm cute in that way. Haha. Puh-leeze.

When Wilson reads my blog, he says it's really me. So anyone who doesn't know me, this is what I really am like.

When James reads my blog, he says that he could have thought he was with me, that he was really here. I guess I like to describe lots of things to make sure people understand and gets my point of view. =)
In my own world,
11:57 PM