Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

I am sick. And I am tired.

I am tired. And I am sick.

I am sick because I am tired.

I am tired of work. I'm tired of attending to patients.

I am sick and in pain. My throat hurts whenever I speak or swallow my saliva or food. My head throbs like there's a fat man kicking my brain.

And I hate that I have to wear PPE. I can hardly breathe with the N95 mask on, which is so tight that the straps of the mask hurt my head. I hate the gown that goes "swish swish" so loudly each time I move and that it's things in my pocket inaccessible.

I am tired. And I am sick. And I have a test tomorrow night. God help me.
In my own world,
2:27 AM

I'm so excited about the Swine Flu! It could be the next SARS or the next Bird Flu pandemic. Since yesterday, a yellow alert was raised. We had to wear facial masks now. And today, the E shift and the night duty nurses had to change to the scrub suit! WOOT! I love the scrubs. I felt so professional. And N95 masks, of course.






Yay me!
In my own world,
2:14 AM

As usual, work has been busy. People are still coming in non-stop and I still have no idea why. And it's so sudden. Is it because times are changing? Now that it's the 21st century and modernized, people know of the ED and visit them, unlike traditional times where they use traditional methods to cure illnesses? Or is it because people are now more affluent and don't mind paying the hospital bills? But it's ironic, no, that they are spending money when it's during the recession period? Maybe it's because of the recession that they come to the ED because in one shot they get everything? $80 including consultation, standard medication, X-ray, blood tests, urine tests. And they don't have to travel from a clinic to a hospital to get hospitalization, save them the transport cost? Or did they think they'd get treatment fast? Well, for those non-emergency cases, not anymore, I tell you. If you wanna flood the ED, be prepared and willing to wait for at least 2 hours. Or maybe 5.5 hours! With 82 patients queueing before you. &%@#*&(#$@%&?%^!!!!

It's gotten quite bad that we are now having to deal with unreasonable abusive parents. They come in and yell at the top of their voices till the whole ED could hear him. Vulgarities spewing out of his mouth. Fists banging on the counters, fingers pointing threateningly inches from our noses. Throwing things at us. One father did exactly all those I've just said. Refusing to calm down or listen, being downright aggressive, making one of the registrar break down in frustrated tears and my usually collected and well mannered senior staff nurse explode. That father tested my SSN tolerance level. To that father, F*** YOU! Bloody unreasonable. The son was 7 years old having a temperature of 37.3 Degrees Celcius. And the waiting time wasn't even that long. Just an hour or so. Oh my God! The more I think about it, the angrier I get. If only I can punch his face. What a good example to the kid, right? (^@&^#$&^#&^@#$@&*$!!!!!!

GOD!

In other news, people seem to know me but I don't seem to know them. Firstly, in my class, two classmates actually remembered my name and just started talking to me. I know them but I have no idea what their names are. So instead of finding out, I just talk to them like I already knew their names. I'll just find out their names.. discreetly.

Another time, while I was at work and was walking towards the cafeteria during my break, a staff nurse, who seems new there, stopped me in my tracks when she called out my name. I turned and she waved. I said in a cheerful tone, "Eh! HI!!" and continued walking. In my heart I went, "Who was that?!" I seriously have no idea who she is but she knows my name? Whaaat?

And then in Facebook, strangers have started to add me in their friends list. And most of them have friends that I know. Common friends. But I don't know these people who are not my friends. If it's a guy, I might understand why they want to add me. But females? Huh? It's like "I know some of my friends are in your friends list but... do I know you?".

Then there was a time a year or two back. I was at KKH in the staff toilet. This girl my age came in and waved to me, said my name and went "Eh, hi!!". And I was like "Erm.. hi!". And then she went like "What are you doing here? Remember me?" So I gave her this "Err..." My eyes were searching everywhere on her body for her nametag, trying to do it discreetly. Then she went like "Redcross, that time, remember?" Apparently we've talked before. And you should know how I went. "OOHHH! Yea!". So she thinking that I finally know who she is, continues to ask me things and stuff. So I talked for a while and thankfully had to go. In my mind, I was still searching for a memory of her. I was still searching all the way home. I still don't know who she is.
In my own world,
2:52 AM

Hey all! I saw CATS Now and Forever the musical yesterday at the Esplanade Theatre with Francine, Suriah and Hazirah. It was purr-fect. The props, the background, the costume. The VOICES!! They have some of the greatest singing voices in the world, I think. I love some of the numbers.

My favourite cat is the Rum Tum Tugger played by John O'Hara! The sensual, flirtatious, sexy, arrogant, always in the limelight cat. The way he swaggers and his stance whenever he stops, his hands at his hips, thumbs hooked on his belt with his weight on one leg, his singing, the arrogance he portrays just makes me squeal with glee and excitement! Everyone loves him actually. Whenever he's on stage we'll clap and go 'WHOOOOO!!!' kind of thing. He's hot.

It's truly an exciting, fun, playful musical. Andrew Lloyd Webber is a genius, I swear. The first musical I've seen produced by him was The Phantom of the Opera and it was by far the best musical I've ever seen. How'd I'd compare to Cats? I don't know. They're both great in their own way. They're both different plots and different atmosphere so you can't really compare.






In my own world,
2:15 PM

I have a lot of songs in my playlist. But right now, I keep pressing next, next, next until these songs are playing:

1. Can I Get A Witness - Marvin Gaye. Listen.
2. Check Yes Juliet - We The Kings. Listen.
3. Closer - NeYo. Listen.
4. Dead and Gone - T.I. feat. Justin Timberlake. Listen.
5. Forever - Chris Brown. Listen.
6. Hot 'N Cold - Katy Perry. Listen.
7. Insomnia - Craig David. Listen.
8. Like This - Marques Houston feat. Young Joc. Can't find a link to this but it's super nice!
9. Lost Without You - Delta Goodrem. Listen.
10. Love Story - Taylor Swift. Listen.
11. Mad - NeYo. Listen.
12. Poker Face - Lady Gaga. Listen.
13. Right Round - Flo Rida. Listen.
14. Say Goodbye - Chris Brown. Listen.
15. Stuck With Each Other - Shontelle feat. Akon. Listen.
16. Viva La Vida - Coldplay. Listen.
17. Whine Up - Kat DeLuna. Listen.
18. Why Can't I - Liz Phair. Listen.
19. You Found Me - The Fray. Listen.

Yea. That's not a lot to choose from. So it would be soon before I get tired of these songs. Thus, I need help to increase this list. Any nice songs you'd like to recommend? Something good to dance to maybe? No trance, or metallic rock. I welcome Hip Hop, Pop, Country, Classical, Rock. Something that can make you get off the train seat and start dancing or stare off in the distance while at the bus stop and sway.
In my own world,
6:43 PM

I have so many things that I want to do but I have no idea how to go about doing it. I keep hitting a wall whenever I think about the money and time needed to do the things that I wanna do or wanna have.

Like for Sign Language classes, if I were to finish all the levels, it'd take me another year and another S$450. And then I wanna take up dance classes which would cost me about S$260 if I were to continue up till the intermediate level. And then there's the Bachelor's I want to get which will cost about S$15,000. And then what about travelling? Don't tell me I'm going to be in Singapore for the next 3 years?

Oh my God, Oh my God! What am I going to do?!

Maybe I'll just take the Beginner's Level for the dance class. It's not like I'm going to be a professional dancer.

Let's see. I'll probably finish all levels of Sign Language class by July 2010. And then I'll start the dancing class which if all goes well, I'll finish by November 2010. After that, it'll be about 5 to 6 more months till I finish my bond with KKH in April 2011, where I might take a year off from work to study for my Bachelor's. That will finish by July 2012.

And then what? And then WHAT?

Should I go back to working with KKH CE? Or should I work in CGH A&E? Should I go from working in a Paediatric A&E to an Adult A&E? Will it be an easy transition? How long should I work before going overseas to pursue my Master's? Maybe another 2 years? Oh God. By that time I'll be 26 years old! I'll be so old!

The future is really scaring me. The more I think about it, the more I panic and the more I want to cry!

Somebody save me! Or donate me money.

ARGH!
In my own world,
11:54 PM

I can't WAIT for my family, especially my parents to go out of Singapore for their freaking holiday. I seriously need some time away from them. ARGH!! They make me hate being at home.
In my own world,
10:19 PM

A kid is crying at the bed in a corner of the room while the nebuliser is on her, her parents trying to comfort her. A woman, a relative of a post fit child is washing her hands at the sink in front of the nurses' station since 5 minutes ago. Here I am blogging.

Hold on while I remove the nebuliser and take the vitals of another kid who's on trial of feeds and waiting to pass urine.

Just a minute while I use the line "I'm sorry. Can I just have two relative stay with the child? Thanks.".

And let me just use the mic to call out "XXX, please proceed to Observation 2.".

......

God. That was loud. The mic's volume is either too high or outside is too quiet. It's just not that quiet here in Obs 2 though. The kid with the trial of feeds is crying like mad while the parents are feeding him the Pedialyte. My efforts of giving them an alternative to drinking the pedialyte failed, since the parents are insistent on giving him the blueberry flavoured pedialyte. Ok then.

......

Sorry, I was away for about 10 minutes while there was suddenly a flood of things to be done. Boy's urine test turns out normal. Got a little bit fed up when they said they didn't have the urine bottle. Humph! to the nurse who pasted the urine bag. You're supposed to give them a urine bottle. Then there's the reviewing of vital signs, two at the same time. It got a little hectic when Obs 2 looked crowded with parents. Oh GREAT! A 94% SpO2 just came in.

Be right back while I take the vitals of a post neb.

......

Good. 100%. "Wait at the waiting area, the doctor will call you again."

Tonight's been surprisingly alright. I'm supposed to be Practical Nurse today. I'm taking over Obs 2 while 'he' sends BOTH Obs 2 nurses for break. We have 5 doctors on night duty today. Good thing. Or the queue will just grow longer and longer. We're having 6 on the queue right now at 0335hrs.

I can't wait for my break. I want to get out of Obs 2 and get a start on writing the board.

Last night, during my break, I had a great talk with Kevin about further studies. Before, I was hard set on going to UK to get my Degree and then working there. But Kevin gave me advices saying that the Degree is really not that big a deal to go and get a certificate somewhere so expensive. It's just learning about management, research, professional conduct and stuff like that, not much about hands on work. So he advised me to take the cheapest Degree course I can find here in Singapore. In the end, expensive or cheap, we all get only $100 more in our salary.

After that he advised that I should forgo the Advance Diploma and spend my money on Masters overseas. Instead of taking Advance Dip in Emergency Nursing, I might as well take Master in Emergency Nursing. Take a leap. Thing is, I have no idea where to take my Master. Of course, I'm limiting it to either UK or Australia. I would much prefer going to UK but I don't hear so much about people getting their Master in Nursing there. So.. I don't really know who to ask about their experience learning in UK. Kevin said I should go to Australia. He keeps stressing that the cost of living in the UK is high. And I guess that makes a big part in my decision since I prefer to take full time study instead of part time. So if I take full time, I won't be working and where in the world would I get the money to spend on my rent and food and stuff like that, right?

Ok. Let's concentrate on my Bachelor first, alright? So there's 5 schools that's accredited by SNB. I did my research which I hope is reliable.

1. Griffith University offers part time study of 2 years. Requires 6 months working experience. Course fee is S$15,000. WEBSITE.

2. La Trobe University offers part time study of 2 years. Course fee is S$15,000. WEBSITE.

3. University of Sydney offers both part time and full time study of 2 years and 1 year respectively. Requires 12 months working experience. Course fee is S$23,540. (OMG!)WEBSITE.

4. Curtin University offers both part time and full time study of 2 years and 1 year respectively. Course fee is about S$13,000. WEBSITE.

5. University of Sunderland offers both part time and full time study of 2 years and 1 year respectively. Requires 12 months working experience. Course fee is about S$20,200. WEBSITE.

So.. Most probably it's Curtin University for me then. It's one of the cheapest and it offers full time study. Yup.

Ok. You know what? I can't concentrate right now. I'm watching Beauty and the Geek. I loved Season 3. I fell in love with Scooter!


In my own world,
2:32 AM

I'm exhausted! Never ever have I been this exhausted. I'm so tired that I'm nauseated and shitting with lots of flatulence. Gawd!

CE has been so busy it's shocking! I just don't understand, not a clue, as to why it's so busy nowadays. Every day patients keep coming in at all hours of the day, never did the queue let up. 40 to 60 plus on the queue, 3 to 4 hours waiting time. What is UP, man??! Cough started today, like, what did the parents think? They'll have pneumonia the next day? Fever for one day, like, did they think their kids' brain is going to burn overnight?

I know there are worse complaints but I'm kinda new so the worse I've heard recently was "The fever started today. 38-point-something degrees Celcius. I give medicine one time but now still have fever. Never come down." Like WHAT THE ****! Fever can persist for a few days. You only gave one dose and came down to the A&E because the temperature didn't subside. You're supposed to give the medicine frequently at an interval! And the medicine is just to control the damn temperature not to make the whole fever-causing agent disappear altogether! Oh my God. I wanted to give the look of disbelief but I didn't want to offend the parent.

I really want to cry, you know or not?! You bring your children who's not an emergency case to the A&E and then build up the queue which in turn build up the waiting time because we'll be seeing the more urgent cases first and THEN you have the CHEEK to complain about waiting so long and asking/demanding if your child's case can be expedited because you have to go back to the office or whatever shit. You bring your child to the ER, YOU take care of YOUR child and have the responsibility of making your child go through the trauma you brought onto them.

What happened to the parents this time around? My generation and above never had our parents bring us to the hospital when we were sick. Are you telling me that you don't know how to take care of your children? And you keep coming in and coming in like it's your routine spending money on consultation and medicine time and time again. Recession and economy downturn, my foot! So much money right?!

Like I said before, you want to come, come. Just don't complain about having to wait so long. It's not like we're sitting around, chit-chatting, drinking coffee, right? We're always on our freaking tired toes running here and there to serve you. We're the professionals. When we categorize you as non-emergency, it means you're not in critical condition but we will still see you. So, wait! And don't come in yelling at the nurses, spitting out vulgarities for all the kids to hear. SUCH a great parent you are!

One time, there was this red hot mad parent who came barging in to the nurses' station demanding for feedback forms. He took a stack, went out to the waiting area and started giving out to all the other parents. You think we scared is it??!!

But as you know, when I complain about these "FON" parents, I do try to be on the other side. Ok so maybe they're too over concern about their kids. But there are also some who came in when their kids are severely hydrated or turning blue from gasping for breath, dying even and they're asked why they hadn't come in sooner when their kids started getting all the symptoms.

So.. any ideas how we can solve this? So that everything's peaceful and quiet and everybody's happy?
In my own world,
8:29 PM