Friday, June 25, 2010
You Can't Hurry Love.
I need love, love to ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But mama said you can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
I can't hurry love, no, you'll just have to wait
You've gotta trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes
How many heartaches must I stand
Before I find the love to let me live again
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on
When I feel my strength, yeah it's almost gone
I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
How long must I wait, how much more must I take
Before loneliness, will cause my heart, heart to break?
No, I cant bear to lve my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
These precious words keep me hangin' on
I remember mama sayin' you can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
I can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes, gotta wait!
No love, love don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms to hold me tight
I keep waiting, I keep on waiting
But it ain't easy (it ain't easy)
No, you know it ain't easy
When mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said, trust give it time, no matter how long it takes
You can't hurry love, no, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy it's a game of give and take
In my own world,
5:47 PM
Friday, June 18, 2010
Airplanes.
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now,
A wish right now,
A wish right now.
I've cooked 2 dishes two days in a row. It's traditional Malay dishes, so nothing surprising. Just wanted to learn the basics first. You know.. just in case.
Yesterday I cooked Daging Masak Kicap. It was good. As in, acceptable, not bad for a first-timer. Today I cooked Ayam Masak Lemak Cili Padi. Again, I passed.
I want to bake some brownies tomorrow. From scratch. Not from the prepackaged boxes you see on the shelves of supermarkets. Chocolate Fudge Brownies.
Hmm.. I really don't know what to type about. It's just a distraction from thinking about stuff. I just wanna get rid of the feelings eating away at my heart.
After a long pause...While watching Prince of Persia, he said he wants the dagger, to turn back time. Well, so do I. I probably want it more than him. I've been wishing to turn back time so that I could change things and not be so depressed like I am today. But everyone knows that impossible, turning back the time I mean.
In my own world,
10:00 PM
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Composition.
I don't have much to do today. I'm just loving the weather. It would be awesome if I had the house all to myself, turn on a movie or two on my flat screen, have a cup of hot chocolate in my hands while I cuddle up under a comforter on a couch.
My sisters are at home. I have no movie I wanna watch (except for PS I Love You, but I'm currently reading the book, so I'm waiting to finish it first). I'm too lazy to make a cup of hot chocolate because there's really nothing cosy about sitting on a couch staring at a blank TV screen.
So I'm on my tummy on my bed instead, typing up an entry because I felt like writing a composition. You know like for English period in school. But to think of it, I have nothing to compose.
I cried yet again last night while praying to God. He hurt me yet again. He must be really tired to misinterpret everything I say and snap at me about it. To tell you the truth, I'm getting pretty sick of it. I don't know why I'm still putting up with it. Every time he snaps at me, instead of answering back like I want to, I'd swallow my mean words and try to make everything right again. Which doesn't really help cuz he's kinda hard-headed. I don't know why I make him feel like he's God. To think of it, out of all the times I got hurt by him, it's either he doesn't care or he doesn't notice, cuz he never apologizes. God, I'm just sick of it. But that's only now. Wait till I'm nearing my menstrual cycle and you'll see how depressed I'd get. It's pathetic.
All I want is to be loved back. I wanna feel light on my toes, smile for no reason, have the butterflies flutter in my tummy till I feel like shitting.
I'm getting by with God to talk to. He calms me. I've got my books which distracts me from thoughts that I'd rather not mull about. It's my escape. Like how some people sleep it off, I read.
Did I tell you I love the weather today? It's been raining on and off and is cloudy and dark and gloomy and cool the whole day. It's perfect.
In my own world,
6:16 PM
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Baby boy.
Previous night, I dreamt that I was about 4 months pregnant. In it, instead of feeling joy, I felt scared. Maybe it's got to do with the fact that in the dream, I wasn't married with a husband. And although there was a guy in my dreams, I felt that the baby wasn't his. I didn't know who the father was. I'm not promiscuous at all. I just happened to be pregnant. I was fearful of what the guy and my family would think.
My quickened heart rate didn't slow down even after I woke up. To describe the feeling, I'd say it's the kind of feeling when you wake suddenly in the wee hours of the morning thinking you're late for an important meeting. The sudden pick up of the heart made you feel like vomiting and hyperventilating.
At work last night, I held an adorable baby boy in my arms. He was almost falling asleep, suckling his pacifier. How my heart yearned for my own. When my friend asked if I wanted a baby or if I'm ready for one, I was surprised at my quick answer, "Yes", and the longing feeling that rushed over me.
In my own world,
8:18 AM
