Thursday, March 31, 2005
Decision-making.
Decision-making.Yesterday was practically the worst day of my life. And probably one of the days I'd remember forever.
I had to make one of the toughest decision I've ever had: choosing which school I want to go. It was so stressful. And I got so frustrated, I cried. I didn't sleep until 2am and even when I fell asleep, it was restless. First I thought MI would be better for me since I'm more of the textbook kind of person. However, after my parents and my aunt and uncle talked to me, I was like
Maybe poly isn't that bad.
I should go to poly because:
--It's the closest I can get to be a doctor. If I go to MI, they don't offer Biology. But some people would tell me that maybe in university I could take Bio but it will be difficult cuz I only took Science Bio (not pure) in O levels. And even if I can be a doctor with the subjects already offered in MI, it's not the kind of doctor I want to be.
--I'll be the pioneer batch taking nursing. It's practically confirmed I'd get a
diploma. Then I can go to work or I can continue my studies into university. It's a new course and they want nurses so there's probably a seat in university reserved for me right? I'm not going to say it's confirmed or anything in case it's not.
--Nurses are high in demand so it's definite I'll get a job. Right? If I go to MI, I might not pass my A-levels. And stopping there, I practically will have no where to go.
--I could study and work hard in my course and get
scholarships (so what if they think i'm a nerd. I'm so not. No, I'm not). So I can go overseas or something. Fun, I know.
--I'll be attached to hospitals or whatever. That's fun isn't it? And they
pay you.
--Maybe God wants me to get into Nursing. Maybe He
purposely blocked my flow of reasonable thinking during the admission exercise (JIS) which led me to put Nursing as a choice.
I've said all this so many times that I've come to believe it. So, my choice is to go to poly. Poly it is. Right. You can do it, Nad.
Oh man. Did I make the right choice?
In my own world,
12:08 PM
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
I will not cry.
I will not cry.
I will not cry.
I feel like tonnes of brick just hit me. Hard. I can't believe this is happening. No, actually I can. I just wish it didn't happen.
I'll live.
In my own world,
7:32 PM
Monday, March 28, 2005
Miserable.
My world is really caving in.So my life kinda suck real bad at the moment. My heart feels like it's at the bottom of my feet. Everything doesn't seem to go the way I want. I guess that's the way it just is. The feeling's horrible. I hate it. I wish I could turn back time. Maybe I could just squeeze my eyes shut and think about where I want to be. Lo and behold, it doesn't work. I'm still here.
Thank God for loud music. It helps. Temporarily.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
CHORUS
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work
It was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
CHORUS 2x
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Danny Jones is cute! He's not goofy. Is he?
In my own world,
9:57 PM
Thursday, March 24, 2005
My Only One.
You Are My Only One.My currently favourite songs:
Only One by
Yellowcard and
Obviously by
McFly.
Can anyone send me these songs?
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one-
Yellowcard-There's one person in my mind right now. I wonder what's going on with him. And that guy is James.
PS Happy 17th Birthday Haiqal!
Danny Jones from McFly!
In my own world,
12:54 PM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
I wish it was me you're falling for..
I wish it was me you're falling for..I played pool yesterday! Left school early. Like 4 hours earlier. Anyway, I won quite a lot of games.
WhooHoo! How cool is that. And Azfar kinda scratched me with his long fingernails and accidentally slapped me. Hahah! I was shocked I tell you.
Anyway, I wasn't irritated. I couldn't care less, really. I rather him do that than ignore me completely.
Missing MI already.
Did I mention I
love my family, especially my
mom and
dad? And I
love my
friends. And my
phone.
Would you rather gain 150 pounds or get run over by a truck?
In my own world,
10:47 AM
Friday, March 18, 2005
Rock the beat.
Ask Me Out.I was supposed to go out with Jaclyn on Tuesday but I was sick so couldn't come.
On Wednesday, I got this CIP thing. It's voluntary work. Ms Zaibah asked if we could come and help out. So it was me, Shikin, Nabilah, Haiqal, Azfar and Hanafy and the rest were the Year 3s. Went to this Pertapis Orphanage and played with the kids. The girls played Captain's Ball. They were surprisingly good. My team won, by the way. They guys played soccer and I mistook Azfar as one of the kids. Hahah! So cute. Then we played telematch, and again, my team won. Hurrah! Love the kids. After that, we had to say goodbye. Quite saddening saying bye to this cute boy. Then, we, the Year 1s, went to eat lunch at this shopping centre. Ate at Pizza Hut. I couldn't finish mine. So anyway, it was fun ah. It was funny. They were all joking around. We were totally full after that and our stomachs were aching from laughing too much. Went home, in the bus, Haiqal became suddenly moody. Went to walk-walk at Tampines Mall and I saw my junior. And she was grinning. -_-"
On Thursday, Azfar invited me to watch movie. So those who came was him, me, Shikin, Hilmi, Hafiz and Fadillah. Haiqal met us too but he seperated to be with his date. So we played pool. Kecoh seh. Then we went to watch the movie In Good Company. Funny - 5/10 and boring - 7/10. After that, while the rest stayed to have dinner with the rest who came after that, I went to Shikin's house to play badminton. It was refreshing. The wind was quite strong so we didn't really have that good a game. That night I was so tired, I couldn't keep my eyes open. So I went to bed early.
So today, I'm free. Thinking of spending my day slacking.
In my own world,
12:42 PM
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Hey.
What I'm standing on is sinking in.Underneath this smile
My world is slowly caving in
All the while
I'm hanging on instead of letting go
Could you be the one to save me
From every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole
I've been hiding out for miles
Underneath this smile
In my own world,
3:36 PM
Friday, March 11, 2005
Bye Haiqal.
FocusI've got a friend and she likes this guy. He's a great guy; funny, sweet, cute, cool, did i mention he's funny? However, her friends find him annoying and crappy. Sometimes he is. Sometimes, she'll think Why do I like him? But she can't help liking him. Only later, she found out that he's already got his eyes on someone else. Apparently, she was affected by it. She became totally moody and quiet. And she was all Too bad for me, I can't have him. She likes him too much already and doesn't know how that happened.
I'll just tell her not to like him anymore. It's not worth it. He's got no feelings for her so just give it up and why not just focus on her studies first? He's just going to hurt you. Not on purpose but you'll get hurt anyway.
My friends doesn't even want to help me. They've never even thought about it. Thanks a lot.
God I'm feeling bitter.
Oh man.
In my own world,
10:46 PM
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Boogeyman.
When you're scared, close your eyes and count to 5. What happens when you get to 6?Skipped school yesterday cuz I didn't feel like facing PE and three periods of Physics. I was quite thankful I didn't come. I'll probably be skin and bones after the PE lesson and might die of boredom during Physics.
Today, I went to school. It wasn't that bad. During Math lecture, I read a book. During break, sat with Shikin, Siew Ling, Haiqal and Sean. Funny guys. During Physics lecture, I continued my reading and finished it. Hahah! GP tutorial, only a fifth of the class turned up but in the end, the teacher didn't turn up herself. So we were dismissed earlier. Shikin suggested we go out to eat for lunch and I invited Haiqal along since he's not rushing off to anywhere. He persuaded us to go to Jurong Point all the way in Boon Lay! I was like What!? It's like way on the other side of Singapore from where me and Shikin lived. But we went there anyway. Decided to watch the movie Boogeyman. Ate at Long John Silver first. Had fun cuz Haiqal made all this stupid but funny jokes. And I embarrassed myself playing with the cup of ice. And he just drives me up the wall ok.
So then we went to watch the movie. It's not scary. Really. It was just the effects and the sudden startling scenes. Ok so I screamed a little and almost jumped a foot off my seat, but really I tried not to freak out. It's just involuntary. But the movie was ok. And Haiqal, who sat in between us, got quite bruised on his arms. He was all the while trying to make the movie funny. Hahah. He's so cute! Then after the movie, he was trying to scare us. What the hell right? Not that I was frightened or anything.
So then it was the journey home. From one departing point to another. From one side of the country to the other. From West to East. From Boon Lay to Pasir Ris! Haiqal's staying at his aunt's house which is just opposite the mall. I was like *argh!!* Anyway, in the train I fell asleep. Wasn't that bad.
I'm just thinking that Haiqal's a great fun. He's pretty funny.
I don't think I'll be getting my phone tomorrow. Maybe a few more days. Sigh..
The intelligent loner. You're shy
at times but friendly, and you are never weak
and always independent. You are incredibly
intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a
talent for many things (sports, music, art).
You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy
the simple things. Like hanging out with
friends and watching movies at home. But you're
sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an
outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how
pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just
can't seem to break into the crowd and be
noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing
and speak out when you have more to say. Don't
hide behind your books and sports and computer,
get out there and get noticed. You also have
deep desires in life and feel vunerable and
alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What
helps me to express feelings and dreams that I
can't say to people, is through my writting.
Maybe you should try.
What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)brought to you by QuizillaI wanna know where love is,Won't you show me?
In my own world,
9:06 PM
Sunday, March 6, 2005
hmm.
Underneath this smile, my world's slowly caving in.I feel like crap today.
Please do not ask why.
Because I'm not going to answer you.
Bye.
In my own world,
10:09 PM
Saturday, March 5, 2005
What just happened?
Samsung E330CI feel like I just gave birth but I can't see my baby. That's a metaphor by the way. I got a new phone (whoohoo!) but I still can't have it yet. Damn! Nevermind. Another week or so more. I can live through it. I can and I will.
Slept at 3.30am this morning. Was online with 3 other people. Fun! Played Truth & Truth with Haiqal, about cars and school with Jason and *ahem ahem* with James. Hahah!
Went to sleep and had a hilarious dream about a guy in a pink tutu, prancing on a stage like a retarded horse with a contorted expression on his face. Must be the uncomfortable thong he was wearing. Weird.
Almost had a fight. I was so scared and freaking worried. But everything's ok now.
Who does not like me? Tell me. Hahah. Madness.
In my own world,
9:39 PM
Thursday, March 3, 2005
Hitch the movie.
Dating Tip #1 - Always look into the eyes of your date.Went to watch Hitch with Haiqal, Azfar, Hilmi, Fizah, Sean and Shu Xian. The movie was GOOD!! It was utterly hilarious and quite touching. Sat in between Shu Xian and Azfar. He hit me! A girl. Ok so I started it. Still.. But of course I wasn't so petty as to get angry. Fizah got disturbed a lot by the guys. And after eating, they were all so confused about how much everybody paid. There was kind of a mix up but it was resolved.
Walked around after the movie, went to Borders. Looked around for a few minutes. Went into a few shops. They were all deciding what to do next. Finally, all of us decided to go home except for Azfar and Hilmi. The train station was filled to the seams with people. My train broke down somewhere and there was a delay. Plus, I didn't think I could even touch the train door when it arrives. It was that packed. So Haiqal and Shu Xian decided that we take a cab. Haiqal knows I didn't have the money so he offered to pay for my share. How sweet is he. Ok I did try to repay him only he refused. Oh well, shall treat him the next time I see him. So we got into a cab and we were all seated at the wrong place. I had to sit by the door since I'm getting down first. Since, Haiqal didn't mind, I had to crawl over Shu Xian and Haiqal to get to the other side. Awkward, I know. Joked about in the cab. And because of my involuntary actions and Shu Xian's.. ah.. I don't know, Haiqal got bruised. Hopefully he didn't mind. I swear it's not me. Anyway, he actually sent me home, right to my block. I mean I thought we could stop at a common place but he said just go all the way to my house. He's such a gentleman. He wouldn't hit a girl. Hahah. I still got home after my curfew and all the way up to my house I was praying I wouldn't have a row with my mom. She wasn't that mad. Thank God.
All in all, it was quite fun. Entertained with Fizah's frustrated-ness and the guys' jokes. Glad Shu Xian came. Definitely gonna miss 05S7. Sigh...
In my own world,
8:32 PM
Hitch
I've been HITCH-ed.I feel like an owl. Awake at night, asleep during the day. Woke up at 3.23 pm yesterday morning.. ah.. afternoon.
Today, I've been swarmed with msn windows. They seem to pop up every minute. So I was like click, type, click, type all the way. Finger exercise again. Hoping Shikin would continue coming to school for the last week. Right now, I'm being entertained by a few of my classmates chatting under one msn window. I'm like a button there, stoning.
I've been cordially invited to join them to watch Hitch tomorrow. I mean today. Whatever.
Let's see what I should wear...
In my own world,
1:21 AM
Wednesday, March 2, 2005
Bored
Blah, blah, blah
Ok so I'm still not yet asleep. I do feel a little sleepy only I don't feel like going to bed just yet. And I'm absolutely bored. And miserable and somehow no one can cheer me up but myself. Only I don't know how to cheer myself up when I'm worrying about the choices I made for the JAE thing. So instead, I'm just gonna do this Q&A thing.
1. Starting Time: 0128
2. Name/nicknames: Nadiah/Nad
3. Best Friends: Jac, Sharifah, Zhongwei & co., Shikin
4. Sexiest Friend: Haiqal! haha.
5. Dumbest Friend: None that I know of.
6. Smartest Friend: Judith.
7. Shyest Friend: Khairul.
8. Most boring person: You.
9. Who Do You Get Advice From: Jac and Sharifah.
10. Height: 161cm, 5'3"
11. DOB: 20/07/88
12. Hair Colour: Dark brown
13. Eye color: Black
14. Shoe Brand: Whatever.
15. Do u Crack any Body Parts: Ah.. no.
16. Pets: None.
17. Siblings: 3 sisters.
18. boyfriend/girlfriend: Single.
19. Crush?: two.
20. Wot teacher wuld u kill?: Should I say? Not like anyone knows..
21. Laughed so hard u peed in your pants? Never.
22. Ate a Tub of Ice Cream: No.
23. Ran Into a Glass Door: No.
24. Went into rotten.com: yea. disgusting.
25. Gone Skinny Dipping: No.
26. Got hit by a car? Almost. A few times.
27. Ran into a parked car: No.
******Girls Fill Out About Guys or guys about themselves****
28. Boxers or Briefs: Boxers.
29. Tall or short: Tall!
30. Does size matter: Could be.
31. Six-pack or Muscular Arm: Ah.. six-pack? But not so muscular.
32. Body or Personality: Personality.
33. Ear Pierced or not: No.
34. Sporty or Outdoorsy: outdoorsy?
35. Good Guy or Bad Guy: A good mix of both!
36. Light Hair/ Dark Hair: Dark hair
37. Hat or No Hat: a cap.
38. Tan or No Tan: Whichever's fine. Just not white as in paper white.
******Guys Fill Out on girls OR girls about urself ***
39. G or regular:
40. Tall or Short:
41. Long Hair or Short:
42. Dark or Light Eyes:
43. Light/Dark Hair:
44. Ears Pierced or Not:
45. Curly or Straight Hair:
46. Good Girl/Bad Girl:
47. Hair Up or Down:
48. Sporty or Classy:
49. Chicken or Not Afraid:
******Which One is Better******
51. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi
52. KFC or McDonalds: McDonalds
53. Cats or Dogs: Dogs
54. Coffee or Tea: Coffee
55. Sour or sweet?: Sweet.
56. Vanilla or chocolate?: Vanilla
57. cake or cookies?: depends
58. day or night?: Night
59. lights on or off?: Lights on but dimmed.
60. winter or summer?: winter. love the snow. but a lil of sun would be good too.
*** Favorites***
61. Foods: pasta
62. Animal: horses!
63. Fave quotes: "Hey you!"?
64. Do you believe in God? yes.
65. What do you want to be when you grow up? someone successful.
66. Define True Love: hmm.. when you still love, care and hurts when you don't see that someone no matter how much he drives you up the wall.
67. Where were you Born? Singapore General Hospital, Singapore.
68. Favorite place to be kissed? Anywhere
69. Favorite day of the week: Friday.
70. the last person you received an email from? James.
71. Bedtime: Whenever i feel sleepy.
72. Fave bands: Good Charlotte, Green Day, Simple Plan, Evanescence, Blink 182, bla bla bla..
73. Fave color(s): white, blue, silver
74. Satan or god or atheism: Believe in God.
****More Questions****
75. Do you love someone right now?: I might be.
76. Do you care about someone?: Lots of people.
77. Do you think of someone everyday?: *nods* no prizes for the correct guess.
78. Do you think someone is special in anyway?: Everyone's special.
79. Ending time: 0219
Oh like guess what. I'm cheered up a little. But i'm gonna be sad again tomorrow.
I'm still soo interested in you!
In my own world,
1:18 AM
Tuesday, March 1, 2005
Tell me you still like me.
Tell me you still like me.I'm not feeling so good. I'm always not feeling good. And I totally hate the feeling. It suck and I want HIM to comfort me. Now. Right now. Sigh.. And now I'm being like such a stupid brat. Which I'm not. I hope. Arghh!!
Spent the whole day exercising my fingers, switching tv channels. Very healthy. =/
Applied on JIS already. I really hope I'll get into the college I want. Please, please, please...
And I so think he doesn't like me anymore.
Depressing day. Really, everyone's making it worse. I just hate it when I feel so helpless. I'm so miserable.
In my own world,
9:47 PM
*Bish*
..Bish..
My new blog. Cute? It's too white don't you think?
I got only As and Bs. A first ok. Never got like this before but the results not that good. I still need to appeal to get into a JC. Which totally suck.
Azfar and Haiqal are like 2 smarty pants. Jac too. Cindy too. Judith, wah, don't know what to say man. But expected.
You know what. I'm not saying anything more.
Bleaghx..
I want my bloody phone back.
I'm proud to be a Cancerian.
I don't think he likes me anymore.
In my own world,
1:30 PM
