Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

I can't stand people who copies me. So 'sibuk'!! One of those people is my 13-year-old sister. She likes to follow what I do. What of those things, that I'm really annoyed with is that she likes Wu Zhun!! How can she like Wu Zhun??!! I think it's after my exclamation of how cute Wu Zhun is in several episodes, that she's somehow influenced by me or something. ARGH!! I thought her cute guy is Hady Mirza. ARGH!! Unloyal brat!

Hah.

Stigmata. I'm a skeptic. I won't go into it deeper because it's a very sensitive issue in my opinion. Go find out about it. I swear it's very interesting. But I'm definitely a skeptic.






In my own world,
5:28 PM

I think I may be suffering from a mood disorder called Cyclothymic Disorder. It's where hypomania and depressive states kind of occur together at the same time or like one minute i'm hypomanic, the other, i'm depressed. Hypomanic meaning having symptoms of mania but to a lesser degree.

So anyway, the first week of KK posting was blah. It didn't go too well for me because of my clinical facilitator. One thing I liked about the obstretic ward was caring for the infants. I bottle-fed them and changed their teeny diapers and stuff. Such cute, small, lovable beings.

Today, after work, I had to go all the way to Jurong to get my vaccination for Tetanus and Typhoid and Anti-Malaria. The first two are injections. I was given one on each arm! The Tetanus shot was OMG. To me, it hurt like HELL. All the way home I was avoiding people. I was like "Get away" and "Don't hit me!". Which was said in my heart. I didn't actually said those out loud. But I did make sounds like when you try to scream but your mouth is taped. Ya. But the volume isn't as high as how we'd scream through a taped mouth, for help when hot wax is being poured over you. So ya. All the way in the train I didn't lean back in case I might hit the passengers beside me. Every movement was exaggerated in my mind. When this guy next to me wanted to uncross his legs, I thought he was going to kick me with his knee. Paranoid Nadiah.

When I got home, I warned my family. Then I watched the show called HANAZAKARINO KIMITACHIHE. The funniest show ALIVE! It's a Taiwanese show but I don't know why the title sounds like Japanese. It's about this girl who disguised herself as a guy to get into a boy's school to see her idol. VERY CUTE!! It's on YouTube too, so if you're interested, go see! Yea, as I was saying, it was hilarious. I laughed about a scene so hard and still kept laughing even after the scene was over and until I had TEARS in my eyes that I needed a tissue. I really LOVE the show, please. It's funny, it's cute and the guy is SOOO handsome.

After that, I had to change from my uniform to night clothes. Oh the AGONY! Both my arms were hurting something bad. Ok not THAT bad. But you can feel the numbness and the sting. It ached! So anyway, the doctor had put like a small swab on the injection site and pasted a band-aid over it to keep in place. Yes, OH MY GOD, band-aid. As I tried taking them off, I could practically hear every tiny hair shrieking in pain! It hurt so much, I cried. Tears again. But at the same time I was making so much noise screaming and laughing at the same time, while my sisters watched in amusement. After the terrorizing and traumatic event of 'waxing', I had to get my uniform off. Dear GOD! It's either my boobs had grown bigger or I was doing it all wrong while trying to prevent more injury to my arms. I think it was my boobs. I hope. Hahah. So yea, the waist of my uniform had difficulty going up. Neither can it go down. But I decided the up way so... I shall spare you the details of my struggle. But of course, I succeeded. I've discovered that I have quite a high pain intolerance.

That was the mania part. Now the depressive part.

My dad is such a frustrating person. We (my sisters and I) can't have our privacy, we had to give in EVERYTIME he pleaded with us to use the computer. It's so annoying. But when we asked to use the computer, he'll be like "hmm....hmm....hmm?" Like he wasn't actually listening but just making a sound that he probably thinks is his acknowledgement. And why can't he use the bloody laptop that he bought? And when I turned on my radio, he was like complaining of how 'bingit' the noise was. What the HELL. Then when he turns on his music when I'm asleep, after some irritated sound I made and stomping to get the volume down, he turned it up again, probably even louder. I was so pissed off just now that I cried like no one's business. I hadn't cried like that since October last year. I wasn't exactly sobbing. It was tears of sheer anger accompanied with the grinding of teeth.

What's next was my mom DEMANDED to know why I'm crying. You THINK I'm going to tell you WHY I'm crying when you're being so DAMNED demanding? It went something like this:

Mom: (standing over me) Why are you crying?
ME: *silence* (tears just flowing)
Mom: Hey.
ME: *more silence* (deep breath to stop tears)
Mom: Hey. Why're you crying?
ME: Nothing.

Repeat above conversation

Mom: (still standing over me) What nothing? There must be a reason why you're crying like that.
ME: I laughed too much, that's why I'm crying.
Mom: Laughing too much doesn't make you cry like this.
ME: *silence x 1 min*

She left.

10 minutes later

Mom: Oi.
ME: Why must you know?

That's when she blew.
Mom: Because I'm your mother. Fine. Treat me like a nobody. I'm nothing to you right? I can't know what's going on, right?

And she stomped off.

Yea, SURE. Trust me to tell you what's going on when you're demanding it. Yea, SURE. Trust me to tell you what's going on when you're only going to defend HIM and giving me 'advice' in a scolding tone. And yea, SURE, when you're probably going to use it against me when you're just in a bloody bad mood.

Unreasonable and not understanding.

Thinking about it, I don't really have a good relationship with my family. I can't remember the last time I was tucked in or hugged or kissed goodnight like those you see on TV. I can't see myself, 20 years down the road, talking to them about my problems or calling them up once in a while or visiting them (NOT a home, mind you) during festive seasons. I'm somehow detached from this family.

Maybe it's the medication talking. Some side effects I don't know about that affects my brain and my laughing box and my tear-producing gland.
In my own world,
11:19 PM

I don't exactly have much to type in here. But I'm using a computer notebook instead of the desktop so.. I just like the feel of the notebook keys more than the desktop ones. Haha. Great excuse.

Exams are over. NS 4 paper was very surprising. When I handed up my paper early, I met Nisa. Then we were both like "Omg! We can actually do the paper." Both of us finished our paper like 80 minutes earlier. Meaning we did the paper in 50 minutes. Haha. This exam period was actually fun. Studying with Nisa and Tini was fun. Lots of laughter added in between writing and reading and memorizing notes.

Now, just waiting for clinical attachment to start.

And I need to go shopping for my trip to Cambodia.

I'm thinking of going to Esplanade after my trip to watch Phantom of the Opera the Musical. I saw the movie. It was grand. Absolutely marvelous. The music was amazing. Imagine actually watching the show LIVE! The tickets range from about $85 to $160, I think. I wouldn't think of the $85 one cuz I think I might as well hide behind a wall or watch ants acting anyway. I'm thinking of the $135 ticket. I'm sure the view would be much better without having to be in the private box. I could be using all the wrong terms of the theatre but who cares. Anyway, I don't know anyone I can think of who would go with me. None I know are keen of paying more than a $100 for a ticket. I'm desperate to go. I really want to go watch it. Maybe I can go by myself. But what fun would that be? No fun I would say. Sigh..

I've run out of things to say.

Bye.
In my own world,
7:30 PM

There is so much to study! How I wish I can just read through everything, then sit for the papers and get a GPA of 4.0! I wanna be smart! I wanna be like Hiro in the series "Heroes"! Or Piper in "Charmed". No, I think I wanna be more like Hiro cuz he can go forward in time, go back in time and make time stand still while Piper can only freeze time.

"Heroes" is a great show. I love it. And I can't wait for Grey's Anatomy to return!

I'm supposed to be studying.

I want a white boyfriend. Otherwise a Chinese boyfriend. I'm just more attracted to them.
In my own world,
8:08 PM

Singapore won the ASEAN Football Championship yesterday! I was super happy yesterday I couldn't stop talking about football with everyone I talked to. To those who was SO negative about Singapore and doubted we'd win, TAKE THAT! HA!

I've got to go study.

Labels: football

In my own world,
1:13 PM

Thanks to a passerby, I've come back from hiatus. Not that I'm long gone to call it hiatus. But I've come up from soaking myself in sorrow. Haha I sound like I was in such a deep depressive mode, like I'm suicidal or something. Eww.

Anyway, he/she reminded me my 'motto': No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.

Instead of thinking negatively when someone talks to me like that, like he/she is mocking me, I actually smiled.

Thank you.

Why does she get everything I want? She's like there whenever I'm involve in or with something. She gets the attention, she gets into the same school as me, same course. Well, there are a lot more that she gets that I don't want to say. She also gets the cute guy I've been eyeing since I stepped into this school. She even gets my friend's cute guy! This is simply outrageous and it's fucking pissing me off. You tell me how can I not be feeling sorry for myself. I think I'm normal. Who wouldn't be pissed off and feel the back was stabbed or the heart squeezed when this kind of thing happens?

I can't wait to travel overseas by MYSELF. Leave all this behind and start anew.

"I used to think it would be wonderful for every day to really be a new day. I mean, to be born again each day. You reach a point in your life when you've grown as much as you will and then you start these multiple existence. Today, I'll be Nadiah. Tomorrow I'll be...Sarah. The day after I'll be Diana, and it will be more than just a change of names. I'd have a different history each day and a different personality, too. That would be more fun, don't you think?"

"If that happened, how could you ever fall in love or be part of anything significant or become anything?"

"That's the point. You'd just start something and never finish and never, ever be disappointed. It would all end too soon for defeat and sadness. We become different people before we die anyway."
In my own world,
1:36 PM

My heart felt like it's dropped to the bottom of my feet.

If this happens again, I might just turn into a robot because I'd be forced not to feel anything.

Whatever.

I'm going on HIATUS.
In my own world,
12:54 PM

Late entry for football match Singapore VS Thailand, but whatever.

It was the most entertaining football match I have ever seen. That's just because I haven't seen that many football matches. Now I wish I had cuz it's so DARN interesting. If only I watch football since young so that I know which team I'd be a fan off. Most probably some English football team.

Anyway, the 1st Leg of the match was in Singapore. Alam Shah scored the first goal for Singapore. WOO HOO! I screamed. My mom stared at me. So I went to another room to watch it. Hahah. Then I was able to scream and yell and curse and do a one-man wave.

I thought the opposition team, the Thais, was a little.. fragile. I mean every 5 minutes, one of them is on the ground, clutching one body part or another, groaning and grimacing and rolling about. What the hell is that?! I mean I understand there would be a few cases of getting injured but this one, it's like for the first 30 minutes of the game, at least 6 'hurt' cases from the Thais.

2nd half, Thai scored a goal.

After that, there was this kick where one guy would kick the ball while the rest will stand in a line in front of him like a wall. I don't know what kick that's call. So anyway, Alam Shah was in front of this Thai guy. The ball was kicked. Then I heard the Referee's whistle. Foul play or something. Playback showed that the Thai guy pulled Alam Shah's shirt or something and he fell because of that. The Referee gave Singapore a PENALTY KICK.

All hell broke loose then.

The opposition team was screaming at the referee for giving us a penalty kick. Even the coach was super mad, I thought his head was going to explode or he was going to hit the referee. Seriously. The Thais wanted to walk out of the game! I was like what the hell. The officials and stuff was like talking and the rest were yelling of the 'un-fairness' of this whole thing. They wasted 15 minutes on all this. Do I hear "sore loser"?

But after that 15 minutes, they played. Mustafic Fahrudin scored the penalty kick for Singapore. WOO HOO!! At the end of the game, Singapore won 2-1. Take THAT!

So 2nd Leg's on Sunday in Bangkok. Pray to God nothing horrible happens. The ties between Singapore and Thailand are not very strong because of something that happened about Thaksin or something. Man, I should start following the news.

Well, whatever it is, GO SINGAPORE!! YOU CAN DO IT!! YAYY!! SINGAPORE ALL THE WAY!!

OK, done.

Labels: football

In my own world,
11:32 PM