Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

Which phone would you get?

Samsung D900





Or Samsung Z540



In my own world,
9:26 PM

I feel humiliated.

And I feel so hollow inside. So empty.

I feel like crying. Stupid hormones.

If I had a chance to play a minor part in the movie Pearl Harbor, I'd be in the band, playing the music pieces. I love the music a LOT.

And by the way, please visit http://www.lightamillioncandles.com and light a candle.

The innocent victims of Internet child abuse cannot speak for themselves.

But you can.

With your help, we can eradicate this evil trade.

We do not need your money.

We need you to light a candle of support .

We're aiming to light at least One Million Candles by December 31, 2006.

This petition will be used to encourage governments, politicians, financial institutions, payment organisations, Internet service providers, technology companies and law enforcement agencies to eradicate the commercial viability of online child abuse.

They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action.

Please light your candle at lightamillioncandles.com or send an email of support to light@lightamillioncandles.com.

Together, we can destroy the commercial viability of Internet child abuse sites that are destroying the lives of innocent children.

Spread the word.
In my own world,
11:45 PM

Today woke up earlier than usual to go for this Red Cross Volunteer thing. Wilson "dragged" me to go for it. Ok he didn't. But I wouldn't have gone if he didn't go either.

Anyway, what we did was selling booklets of $2 coupons to the public. Wah, seriously. I hate doing all this asking people to donate. Like Flag Day. Because I hate rejection. Hahah. But today was alright la. The whole time I was like smiling (almost laughing) and walking up to people saying "Hi, excuse me, would you like to donate to Red Cross?" And I think my smile was super genuine and damn sweet cuz even those who didn't donate smiled very sincerely back at me. Hahah ok do we detect self-praising there? Some people are like very friendly! I also saw one girl that looked soo familiar. But it was at the back of my mind when I approached her to donate. Then she was like "Sure", smiling and all. Then while she was writing her particulars, she went like "Can I ask you something? You look very familiar. Are you from St. Anthony's Canossian Sec Sch?" I was like Yeah! And then I sort of got the feeling that I know who she is already. And I was right. She was from my sec sch before too. Hahah. Wow. What a small world.

Let me pause my story telling of today for a while to scream my frustration.....
I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TOUCH MY THINGS AND GO THROUGH MY STUFF WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!!!!!!! Just get the hell out of my privacy. ARGH!! Mind your own business will you??!! GOD!

Ok where was I? Oh yes. We ended the ticket selling close to 2pm.

We went to walk around after that and ended up at the National Library. I wanted to return the overdue books I had with me. Then he asked if I'd like to see the inside of the new library. I agreed and we went to the TOP floor. It's only the 14th storey but I felt like I was on top of the world. Haha it was really high.

After that, Wilson introduced me to a whole new way of watching movies. He brought me to Cineleisure and instead of watching a movie in the big, hundred-plus seater theatre, we 'rented' a movie and watched it in this small room. It's not THAT small. It's able to accommodate at least 4 people with sufficient space for us to lie down. The room had this large plasma television, a large bean bag and an XBOX. It was NICE I tell you. With all the lights off. Anyway, we watched Pearl Harbor (I introduced the movie to him) sprawled on the floor, supporting our heads with the bean bag. It was just like at home, seriously. But it was a bit cold. I was shivering like crazy. Anyway, the movie was great. I've watched it before but Wilson have not. And he liked it! Yay!

His girlfriend is damn lucky to have him.
In my own world,
10:21 PM

I passed my Basic Driving Theory Test. It was a bit stressful before I took it with people saying it's tricky and stuff. When I got there, they assigned me to computer number 13. When I realized the number 13 (unlucky?) I wanted to laugh! Hahah I didn't know why but I wanted to laugh the whole time. Too stressed?

I've been sleeping in almost every day. It's not good.

Should I go for the Red Cross thing tomorrow?
In my own world,
6:46 PM

I just want to cry out my despair.
I want to scream out my frustration.
And proclaim my deepest feelings.

All this mixed up in my heart and my mind.
It's tiring.
I want to let them out.

But I can't. I can't.
And that's really heartbreaking.
I have to keep them to myself.

I have to protect myself.
In my own world,
10:40 PM

Yesterday was the last day of CA. I couldn't wait for 3pm. And just like the Red Cross Orientation Camp, I'd like to have yesterday written down for one of my most memorable event that's happened in my life. So shoo if you're not interested.

Went to school to sign up for the foreign language thing. And I met Wilson. "Hey, missy." he said. Haha.

Then we went out.

He brought the gifts he bought for me from Vietnam. Is that sweet or what. I got a horse whistle which I blow from the butt (haha), a silk handkerchief which he said could be used to wipe the perspiration from my face when he tells a cold joke (hahah) and a bracelet or a band or whatever you call it. All of it were inside this pretty lavender coloured bag. I like the bracelet. Didn't know it would look nice on me. Haha.

Went to Orchard and got our movie tickets (Haunted Apartments). Had quite some time before the movie started so we went to eat at a fast food restaurant since he misses fast food. And I couldn't finish my food. It's a bit mind-boggling cuz I hadn't eaten the whole day cuz I was saving my empty stomach for this outing. And I WAS hungry but then I couldn't finish my food. Weird. And we talked. No, I talked but he crapped. Haha no la. We both talked and crapped. Oh and he taught me Vietnamese words. Like "I am you, you am I" (it sounds like that but I'm not sure about the spelling) which means I love you. Guys use "I am you" while girls use "You am I". And there's another word he taught me which sounded like "garment" (haha) which means Thank You.

Then we walked around Cineleisure. He wanted to look for a giant Tweety bird for his girlfriend for her birthday. And when I say giant, I mean really huge, like the head itself is twice or thrice the size of yours. Anyway, it was really sweet.

Watched the movie. It was a horror movie. Wilson's afraid of horror movies. Hahah. I brought a jacket for 3 purposes: to cover my uniform, to protect myself from the coldness of the movie theatre and to hide behind my jacket to block out any scary or ugly scenes in the movie. Hahah. Anyway, Wilson was cold too so we shared my jacket. And was he cold. His fingers were like ice. Ok not that cold but ya, cold. Whatever. The movie was alright. The seats were comfortable. But the theatre was full. I'd rather we were the only ones or the maximum, half full. Much more fun since it's a horror movie. At the end of the movie, they played the song "Home" by Michael Buble! I love that song.

The movie ended at 9.30pm so we went to walk walk at the shopping malls. Most shops were closed. But we window shopped anyway. Looked at expensive shoes and pretty dresses and hot blazers. Then we went to this foodcourt. I wanted ice cream but couldn't find any there so the best alternative was "ice kacang". We shared a Fruit Cocktail Ice or something like that. Basically it's a bowl of ice with don't-know-what syrup, topped with fruits such as watermelon, honeydew and kiwi. It was yummy. I felt healthy. Hahah. And we talked again. He's nice. And Wilson, if you read this, about the thing you said to your girlfriend that her "boyfriend's not that goodlooking", hey, you don't look that bad ok.

Went home by taxi. He accompanied me home. On the phone. Hahah. He's just damn sweet and nice la. Reached home at 11.30pm and thought my mom's gonna kill me. But she didn't.

Wilson paid for all the expenses. He's the one who forked out the money for the dinner, movie and supper. Plus the gifts. Next would be my turn to treat him. And for this, I'd gladly go with just bread for lunch. Haha. I mean I won't be starving myself. There's food at home. I can wait until I get home to eat, can't I? I'm willing.

And I fell asleep with my heart full and a smile on my face. Cuz I really enjoyed my time with him.

I slept with the bracelet still on my wrist. My lucky charm?

=)
In my own world,
2:55 PM

Tomorrow's Thursday!!!

And then it'll be Friday! End of CA.

I'm thinking of signing up for Mandarin lessons. Should I? I've only until Friday to decide.

Ok I've decided! I'm taking the classes! It should be good for me. Then I would be able to understand what my mandarin-speaking patients are talking about. Cuz right now, I'm like nodding and smiling blindly and helplessly when they talk to me in mandarin. It's pathetic. Anyway, the classes are during weekday evenings. That could be tiring and a bit troublesome when I end early sometimes. But it's good too because during the free time, I can study! There are more motivation to study in school than at home cuz at home, there's the bed, the tv, the food, the computer. These things are like the devil, luring me away from the good thing, that is to study. Taking these classes prevents me from lazing around at home like a stupid sloth. And it helps me to be more independent. Cuz I'm doing all this alone, by myself, with no friends that I know of. So yea. Yea. I'm quite excited.
In my own world,
10:13 PM

I feel stupid. Shallow. Thoughtless.

I should think more. Reflect more.

I saw Click. It's a movie starring Adam Sandler playing as Michael Newman and Kate Beckinsale who played Donna Newman. It's a funny show but also very touching and well, you learn life's lesson in it too. Family first, then work. I cried at the almost ending part before he woke up in the bed in the departmental store.

I like to shit. It feels good after that. I feel like shitting.

Excuse me.
In my own world,
9:45 PM

I'm online before work to check my results. It's not terrible but it's not great either. At least I didn't drop to a GPA of 2-point-something. I'm still in the 3-point-something range. I'm going to work harder from the moment school restarts and climb higher. I will, I will, I will. I have to. I want to.

I'm excited for next Friday. It'll be the last day of attachment. I can't wait! But I don't want to be too happy. Something might happen and I don't want to get too disappointed, like I've been recently. But I really hope it's still on after a week. I'm talking in riddles and secret messages aren't I? Hahah. Who cares.
In my own world,
10:44 AM

Today is my bad luck day.

Expecting to have my IMF duty today after work, I brought a change of clothing and a towel and shampoo and facial foam and everything. Which meant I had to bring a bigger bag. And it's heavy.

Then in the bus on the way to work, my nose was running. I hate morning sinus.

In the ward, first thing I did was ask the staff nurse if I could change a patient's NGT as it's due. The SN was like "haha wah so fast but ok can", as in so early in the morning I'm already telling her what I want to do. Hahah. I booked the opportunity first. BUT THEN, when I get around to doing it, with my facilitator assessing me, it wasn't successful. TWICE that I did NGT insertion was unsuccessful. But it's not because of my lack of competency. I definitely know this skill. So anyway what happened was see, we had to check if the NGT is placed correctly through the nose into the oesophagus and then into the stomach by pushing in air and listening to the stomach via the stethoscope for the "brr" sound. I did that but I couldn't hear anything. And I suspected it was in the lungs but my facilitator kept pushing in air and listening and pushing in air and listening so many times! I was like, give up already, it's not in the stomach, lets do it again. But NOOO. So we did it twice, the second time still cannot hear but she tried getting some water in. I was like, are you sure you should do that? But she proceeded to feed the patient. After about 30 mls of feed went in, the patient vomited the feed! It just came out of her mouth! I was like what the fuck! And my facilitator rushed to pull out the tube and propped her up and pulled her forward to make the aspiration come out. And I was rushing to get the suction tube and all the while thinking the feed went into her lungs, we should have confirmed that there is a sound there (there was a sound but I thought it was super faint). So it was a little bit traumatic for me but I was it's ok.

After that my facilitator got a call from the school that the Academic Affairs wants to see me. I was like WHAT?!! What the hell's going on? What did I do wrong? Then I panicked a little thinking that maybe it's because I failed my exams and they had to see me or something. So I was super worried and really down kind of thing. But I was like relax Nad, it can't get any worse. But it did.

During break, I got a message from the guy at Red Cross in charge of the Red Cross volunteers for the IMF, that I'm not able to perform my duties for IMF because my security pass is not ready. Right there and then, I was really convinced that I'm having bad luck. I was damn pissed when I got that message. I was super disappointed and utterly dismayed and upset. I wanted to really say something sarcastic to the person but of course, I couldn't, I shouldn't. I was so looking forward for this volunteer duty thing for this IMF thing today ok. I've never looked forward in anything for so long and now it's become like this. UNBELIEVABLE!

I also got a call from Tini. She had that call from the Academic Affairs too. So now I had 2nd thoughts that maybe it's not about my exam result. And I suspected that it's about one of my lecturers, the one that I said something bad's happening to her. Ya. I was like what.......... It's such an old story (not very old but ya) and it's still not settled? So I had to go back to school. My whole tutorial class had to go back to school. One good thing that came out of this was that I was still able to leave work early AND I got a ride from my lecturers to school.

Yup so like I said, today is really a bad day. Especially about the IMF thing. SIGH...

Wilson will be home tomorrow!!
In my own world,
9:29 PM

I'm super tired and sleepy. And sick. CA has been alright, especially with good people to work with. Made friends with the student nurses from other schools also. They're damn nice. Too bad tomorrow's their last day in the ward. Anyway, other than that, CA's stressful. All the case studies and reflective journals and log books. Hate it.

Yesterday I was let off earlier from shift to attend the IMF/World Bank Prelude Exercise. Met the other volunteers at Suntec City. Every First Aid Post, which are hidden, there are two medics and two first aiders. So we met our (mine and Lijing's) medics, which were three of them guys. They were extremely nice and friendly and cute. I like them. They're nice people. Basically we did almost nothing. We were supposed to walk our level to familiarize ourselves with the layout. But that's like a little bit boring. But we did walk our floor. So we kinda talked and asked questions and stuff. Interesting. I can't wait for the real day!

I'm really going to tire myself out this month, I tell you.

One, you're like a dream come true.
Two, just wanna be with you.
Three, girl, it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me, and
Four, repeat steps one thru three.
Five, make you fall in love with me.
If ever I believe my work is done,
Then I'll start back at one.
- Back At One, Brian McKnight.

I LOVE this song.
In my own world,
4:16 PM

First week of CA was alright. In a geron ward again. Not my favourite.

Yesterday was quite interesting. I went to Civil Defence Academy for this First Aid Fresher for the IMF/World Bank event. First of all, it was all the way at Jurong, the other end of Singapore from where I live. I met Aisiah who came a little late. So in the end we did arrive late at the place. When we arrived at the entrance the guards called to us asking where we're heading. They were cute I guess, in uniform and all. So we were supposed to go to the CPR room which we had NO idea where, so we kinda roam around the place, lost. But finally we found the place. We were late but luckily, weren't the last to arrive.

So anyway, there was this female speaker, a Staff Sergeant, in her uniform. Very nice. Ok anyway, throughout the day, there was her and three other guys in uniform who were a lower rank than her. One rank lower I think. They were very cute. They were all Malay but two of them I thought at first was Chinese. Especially one of them. Super fair and chinese-y eyes, like a chinese. But then found out his name and I realized he was not. And he is just the cutest! He has a dimple also. Damn cute I tell you. Then the other one reminded me of Joakim, the slightly fatter version. He wasn't fat la but.. fit. I don't know how to explain. And he's sooo cute! I mean adorable. Anyway, the three of these guys were there to help out and demonstrate stuff, like bandaging, care of wounds, using the stretcher and CPR. For their demonstrations on bandaging, they were absolutely the cutest. They're very funny I tell you. Such a joy to watch them. Hahah.

And I got SOO close to an ambulance! I saw how they load casualties onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. It was downright exciting and interesting. I think I wouldn't mind being a paramedic one day. I like saving lives and it can't hurt having lots of cute guys in uniform around you. Hahaha. I just worry about the training. Like do we have to work out really hard? Is there some physical tests to do?

Then there was a talk about the IMF event. Who'd be there, what we'll be doing, what to do when there's a bomb or terrorist attacks and all sorts of thing that could possibly happen. Although it's remote, we're not taking any chances. That's what I LOVE about Singapore. Our security is like TIGHT. And we're to take care of all this delegates, all this big-shots from all over the world, from the moment they arrive at the airport in Singapore to the time they step onto the plane for home. Medical aid is available the whole time, it's like they'll probably think there's a medical worker in their very hotel room. I'm really excited that I'm taking part in this HUGE, probably historical event in Singapore.
In my own world,
9:57 PM