Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Composition.
I don't have much to do today. I'm just loving the weather. It would be awesome if I had the house all to myself, turn on a movie or two on my flat screen, have a cup of hot chocolate in my hands while I cuddle up under a comforter on a couch.
My sisters are at home. I have no movie I wanna watch (except for PS I Love You, but I'm currently reading the book, so I'm waiting to finish it first). I'm too lazy to make a cup of hot chocolate because there's really nothing cosy about sitting on a couch staring at a blank TV screen.
So I'm on my tummy on my bed instead, typing up an entry because I felt like writing a composition. You know like for English period in school. But to think of it, I have nothing to compose.
I cried yet again last night while praying to God. He hurt me yet again. He must be really tired to misinterpret everything I say and snap at me about it. To tell you the truth, I'm getting pretty sick of it. I don't know why I'm still putting up with it. Every time he snaps at me, instead of answering back like I want to, I'd swallow my mean words and try to make everything right again. Which doesn't really help cuz he's kinda hard-headed. I don't know why I make him feel like he's God. To think of it, out of all the times I got hurt by him, it's either he doesn't care or he doesn't notice, cuz he never apologizes. God, I'm just sick of it. But that's only now. Wait till I'm nearing my menstrual cycle and you'll see how depressed I'd get. It's pathetic.
All I want is to be loved back. I wanna feel light on my toes, smile for no reason, have the butterflies flutter in my tummy till I feel like shitting.
I'm getting by with God to talk to. He calms me. I've got my books which distracts me from thoughts that I'd rather not mull about. It's my escape. Like how some people sleep it off, I read.
Did I tell you I love the weather today? It's been raining on and off and is cloudy and dark and gloomy and cool the whole day. It's perfect.
In my own world,
6:16 PM
