Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I don't do well with people.
I don't do well with people. I hardly start a conversation. I can't find anything interesting to talk about. I seldom have a good story to tell. I don't have any wise words to say like those you see in Grey's Anatomy. I don't like to serve. I think people should get what they want themselves. I don't do anything kick-ass or anything worth remembering.
I don't ask people out. I don't join in a group photo shot unless I'm asked to. I can't find anything to comment on what others are saying. I don't have any good skills or talent. I'm not even pretty.
More often than not, I think I'm weird. I think people don't like me. I think people disagree with anything I say. I think I have an attitude. I think I'm average. I'm not outstanding and should I disappear or leave, no one will notice or remember or miss me.
I don't do well with people. Each time I come to a new place, I think maybe this time there are people who'll like me, who will want to be my friend. But each time there is someone friendlier, more talented, smarter, prettier, more likable than me. And every time, I'll lose people. Each time, I'd wish to move on to somewhere new. But the thought of being the newbie, the stranger, and having to start all over again getting to know new people scares me.
I know if I have the passion and be amazing at my job, I'll succeed with my career. My patients will like me, or at least not find a fault in me. I won't get scolded by my superiors. But what kind of a life would I have?
What I need is someone who's like me. Dark and twisty. Average. Down with their luck. Or what I want is to go around the world, exploring, help kids in third world countries, have no care in the world.
Ugh. Whatever.
Sometimes, I think I hate people. Especially those happy, cheerful people. And then some. Why can't people be what they said. They gossip and talk about other people, even people in their clique. And then they go and be all friendly to them. What's this? First you hate them, mad at them but then become all laughing and happy with them.
Really. Whatever.
In my own world,
9:14 PM