Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

Ok. So my computer's hacked with a virus. A virus that sends stupid things to people and made it look like I did it. Such an ass.

Anyway, went to catch the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" with Jaime. I've been DYING to talk about this. I've already bought the book before the movie came out. It's a good thing too because I don't think I could catch whatever's in the movie quickly if I hadn't read up.

So... That book that I bought, is the BEST self-help book I've EVER, EVER read. Imma keep it forever. It's so useful that I actually took out my favourite green highlighter and highlighted the points that I should know and remember. If only I'd known about it before all the relationships I had, even if it wasn't that many.

I'm the Rule, not the exception. I'm exceptional, but I'm not the exception.

If the guy likes me, he WILL call me.
If the guy wants to see me, he WILL ask me out.
If the guy loves me, he WILL want to marry me.

Otherwise, he's just not that into me. I'm going to meet many of them in my life, who's just not that into me, and I'm pretty sure one of those days I'll think I'm running out of fishes in the sea, but I shouldn't waste time on them, hoping, and having heartaches, feeling like shit.

Excuses like "I'm out of town so I might not be able to keep in touch" or "Sorry, I couldn't call, I was busy the whole day" or "I'm not ready, I just got out of a bad relationship" or "I've been in love with you for the past 7 years but I just don't want to get married" shouldn't pass over my shoulder. Instead they should hit me in the face and I should be able to translate them into "He's just not that into me".

I mean it's correct, isn't it? If he's into you, he'll try to contact you no matter where he is because he misses you. If he's into you, he'd call you during his toilet break from his busy work because he wants to hear your voice and see how your day has been. If he's into you, he'll want you to be his, see you exclusively even if he's just broken up with his 5-year girlfriend not 6 months ago. If he's into you, he won't need 10 more years into your 7 years relationship together to get married just to see how it goes and get to know each other more. As if 7 years is not enough.

Like the book says, it will hurt. Definitely. I guess that's when you'll need your family and friends. Find distractions, go out again.

Whatever it is, I'm not going to expect and look for anything. I'm going to go out, attend courses and classes, travel.. I just won't expect too much. I hope, but I don't expect. There is a difference, right? Because to me, there is. Hazali just didn't get that about me.

Jaime, I'm hoping we'll be able to go in December. Three of us will be ok with me.

Anyway, I desperately need a hair cut. It's getting too long and people have already guessed my age as between 22-24. Must be because of all the unhappiness and topsy turvy bed times. Roar!
In my own world,
10:14 PM

I am absolutely exhausted. Day to day people keep coming in to the ER. Day to day there'll be cases like fever for 1 day, constipation, stomach pain, vomiting for 1 day, etc. Maybe I can understand if you come and fill up the ER after 8pm or so because the clinics are closed and all, or if the clinics themselves have no clue what to do with you and referred you to us. But in the day time, go to the clinics la. Do you understand what is an emergency or not? You should only come to the ER if you think you/your child will die without prompt treatment. Stop hogging the space and time in the ER can or not? And then you complain about the 4 hours waiting time. Oh my God.

I just think the public really needs a lot of education. Maybe they should include the module "When to Go to the ER" in school.

Seriously, I would much rather have back to back Code Blue's and Trauma Codes, like one after another, than attending to all the Fever for 1 day, Vomit 2 times, Headache for 2 days, Constipation, bla bla bla. The whole point of me selecting A&E as my first choice is because I like the fast pace of trying to resuscitate a critically ill patient, especially trauma, not the fast pace of running back and forth to complete the orders on the procedure forms of 300 far-from-dying patients.

One time when the waiting time to see the doctor was SO long, one parent came up to me and informed me that the disposable cups at the water dispenser located at the patient waiting area needed topping up. I was quite dreading going out there to top up the cups because I was so afraid people will come up to me and demand something else and assault me because I didn't give the answer they want. Wah. Good thing nothing happened except for people coming up to get some water. I mean, really, I've heard and seen people yelling and screaming at the nurses. This kind of people make me hate my job. And I hate that I'm hating my job. I don't want to hate my job. I want to be happy.

Anyway, on to another mood.

I've had an encounter with this kid who was constipated for one week. The doctor ordered Fleet Enema. Result was poor with the kid crying with stomach pain and straining with difficulty to pass out the stool(shit). So Glycerin suppository was ordered to help soften the stool. The kid was laid down on the bed. When I spread open the butt cheeks, there was the brownish-greenish stool, just in the opening of the anus. It was like the shape of one side of a tennis ball. So with the supp in one hand and spreading the cheeks open with the other I went 'Hmmmm.. I don't know if I can put this supp in.. Maybe if I pushed aside the stool a little bit.....' It wouldn't freaking budge! There was no space for the small suppository to go in. I was so tempted to dig the rock-hard stool out because it was just there, within sight, but I'm not trained to do a manual evacuation and I didn't want to traumatize the lining of the GI tract. So I got the doctor to come and see what he'd like to do with this kid. At first he said just try to put the supp in, so I tried to force the supp in, running my finger around the stool to see if there's some space beside it. That was the first time I ever had to physically touch a stool for long periods of time. I guess it was the 'stimulation' that finally caused the tip of the stool to come out. Finally my supp was able to go in. The kid then went to the toilet to try to pass the rest of his dried up stool. But came back without success. So Dr. Kong said "OK. Let's do manual evac. No choice." And back to the bed the boy went and got some anal digging from the doctor who kept saying "Wah. The stool is very hard. So hard. Tsk tsk." And came out more stool that looked like stones. After all that, I had to clear the stool and clean the kids butt.

So are you able to eat now? Amazing thing about nurses is, after this, we can. I can. Except that, every time I clear my bowels, I will think of him. Bloody hell.
In my own world,
2:33 AM

Ended work slightly later than usual because was tied up at work. Just as I was about to take over Obs 1 in the Resus room as Saroja about to send a patient up, in came a resus case and Doris instructed me to page the doctors and nurses. Wah. Instead of only keeping an eye on a conscious-sedated kid I had to be involved in the resus. Good thing it wasn't so bad but still ended a little late.

After work, went to Kak Haniza's house with some of the CE girls, namely Doris, Bing Ling, Veron, Hui Ting, Lailee, Yanti, Kak Ros, Julianah, Kak Rakiyah and one more who's an ex-staff of CE, to visit her and her newborn baby. Fun time! There was a time where Kak Ros, Yanti, Julianah, Lailee, Rakiyah and I were seated at the dining table talking about work stuff. Wah. Got me thinking that maybe the 'management' in CE is not very good. Made me think that it wouldn't be such a bad idea to 'move' to another hospital once my bond's up and once I got my Advance Diploma in Emergency Nursing. I feel like getting my hands on adults instead of kids. I want to see all the gory and gob-smacking horrible accidents that happens to them. I want to be able to feel free while working, not being so uptight about 'reputations'. Like using the PA system for things like "Doctor XX to the practical room" or "Doctor XX to call Doctor XY" or "Paging for Doctor XX/Nurse XY", instead of running all over the department to look for them. I want to wear scrubs. I want to be able to have Nursing Managers or Clinicians that we can talk openly with. I want to have the NMs and NCs OUT THERE doing procedures and resus and triaging and basic things like pasting the urine bag or taking the blood or serving fleet enema with the rest of the nurses.

It was fun hearing about Yanti's and Julianah's experience on their Adv. Dip. clinical postings to different hospitals. We also joked about who would be the next NM or NC and how the management would be like. Super funny.

Then there's always the session where Yanti's boobs are mentioned. Haha.

So much to plan for my future!

Anyway, I'm beat!
In my own world,
9:12 PM

I want to go to England!

I have to save money. I have to, I have to. I'm already very broke.

Starting today, I should only have $100 in my wallet each month. So let's say by March I've $50 left, I can only withdraw another $50 for the rest of the month of March.

WORK.
1. Leave NETS at home.
2. Only train and buses to work, unless I'm late.
3. Bring home food to work, even if it's just biscuits or fruits.
4. Do more night shifts.
5. Take only buses home, even if I'm exhausted. Even better have someone with transport to fetch me home.
6. Go straight home, no detour, no acting on impulses. Unless I'm going out with someone.

GOING OUT.
1. Leave NETS at home, only the $100 cash or whatever's left in the wallet.
2. Spend only on necessary things and only for the main purposes of going out. If it's dinner, only spend on food. If it's ice-skating, only spend on the rental skates. If it's movie, only spend on the movie ticket.
3. Eat before going out. If I have to, eat something cheap when outside.
4. Take trains and buses, even if it means I'll probably get lost, which I won't because I have my handphone and I'll even check how to get to my destination on the internet before going out. NO CABS.
5. Ignore all temptations caused by window shopping or smelling good food.

HOME.
1. Stay at home.
2. No surfing on sites that allows online shopping.

MISC.
1. Leave NETS at home.
2. Borrow books. No renting at EMF or buying at Popular/MPH/Kinokuniya.
3. Ask mom to purchase shampoo/conditioner/soap.

IGNORE ALL TEMPTATIONS THAT LEADS TO EMPTYING OF WALLET.

I don't know how long I'm going to do this. Probably until the end of the year since I'm thinking of going to England in December. Not yet confirmed, but maybe from 14th till 19th. I'm sure my mom will help out with some of the cost. Still.

Each day, my motivation for saving is going to be the trip to England. So, yea. I have to do it.
In my own world,
1:19 AM

My 6pm to 1.30am shift just now was really good! I seriously felt light on my toes. I was smiling and laughing and joking. I don't know what's wrong with me actually. But today was good! Especially when I was just about to end my shift at 1am. Spent half an hour at Obs 2 with Ryan and Fiza crapping and joking about. Plus there were two cute policemen that caused me to throw a fit. Hahah.

I love Ryan and Fiza! Now they both know a secret about me. Haha. I wish I was night with them.
In my own world,
2:21 AM