Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

So. The problem is this guy I'm currently seeing. I wouldn't want to call him my boyfriend. Besides, he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend. What he actually said was something like "Why can't it be we naturally become a couple? Why do I have to ask?". And when would our anniversary be, pray tell?

So, nope, he's not a boyfriend.

Well, where do I start? The beginning was really good. I enjoyed my time with him. He was really the kind of someone I would like. And he was evidently also interested in me. He says words like "I miss you" and other stuff that really made my heart soar like it had never soared before. You would wonder, how could I be taken in when I've only known him for less than 2 months? Well, I was. Call me superstitious or dopey or whatever but I thought there were signs that we were actually meant for each other; the similarities, the dreams, the coincidences, fate. You see, more often than not, when I am interested in a guy and one fine day the guy shows that he's also interested, I will lose interest in him. I thought I had some kind of sickness that needed therapy. But, thankfully (I WAS thankful, not sure about now), that losing interest thing didn't happen with him. My feelings actually grew. And I thought his was too. He was the first one saying he likes me, wants to meet my parents and wants me to be his. And being me, who never had much of a relationship with anyone, who yearns to be romantically loved, I felt such a tremendous joy. I had never been happier in my life. And people actually noticed that.

Until that one fateful date after my night shift, the morning of the 27th of December. It started quite well actually, we held hands, he held me, we talked and we laughed. And then suddenly, while looking for lunch, he became quiet and stuff like that. So I asked him "Why are you so bored? Why do you look so bored?" and he lashed out "I'm tired. Can you understand or not?". Since then my mood turned sour, and so did his. So we decided to go home. We were silent. Usually he would send me home after whatever date we were on. But I told him I wanted to take a cab and asked him how was he going to go home. At first he said "I'll send you... or you want to go home by yourself?" I said "Anything." when actually I wanted him to be with me. In the end I took the cab alone and he went to take the train. I almost wanted to stop the cab, but I didn't want to make a scene.

Ok, let's take a look at what happened the day before that made him say he was tired. On the 26th, he had to work from about 6 AM to 10.30 PM. He went home and then went out again to ride to JB with his bike friends (a Friday night non-compulsory routine) only to come back home at 4 AM. While I was on night shift, only having an hour break where I could hardly sleep. So, tell me. Is it wrong for him to say that he was tired? When he lashed at me that he was tired, whether I can understand or not, the bolder me would have told him that I worked the whole night and that he could have just not gone to JB for a laze and instead could have rested at home, to come meet me at 7.30 AM after my night shift. But that didn't happen. It never did. I never told him.

So since that screwed up event, things have gone downhill. I spent my leave up till New Year's Day without meeting him, and the messages we sent could be counted on one hand. One of the days he actually went on a road trip to some beach resort in Malaysia with one of his friends. All the while not saying that he missed me or wished I was there with him (usually he would). And on that day I made a card for him, with so much effort and feelings and heart and soul. I thought I would give him on New Year's Eve where I thought I'd be spending it with him, be with him at the stroke of midnight. But at the last minute, he said he couldn't because he had never missed spending NYE with his family. Instead he just came to my place and we sat and talked at the void deck. I went home about half an hour before midnight. He didn't even hug me (usually he would). The card that held so much was given to him, which he only read when he got home, several minutes after midnight. In that card, I reciprocated his feelings. But things got even worse.

It wasn't on that actual day itself but it was during that black period where he told me he wanted to take things slow. He's being careful because he doesn't want to get hurt. The worst thing was that remember when I left in a cab alone, he said it reminded him of the past with his ex of 7 years. He was afraid of the 'what-ifs'. So now he's been cold and distant and pulled back when I told him I like him back. He hasn't been messaging or calling or meeting. No attention to the girl that he supposedly loved and want to be with for the rest of his life.

Now I'm going to tell you a little history of his relationship with his ex. Out of 7 years, they broke up twice. The 2nd one was when he bought an engagement ring for her. I don't know which was when but the reasons she dumped him that came up was that he didn't give her enough attention and that he couldn't make her happy. To think that he's comparing me to her, the nerve! The bolder me would tell him that maybe it's not us girls' fault that things suck. Maybe the problem is him. He should learn from his mistakes. I mean seriously, it's common courtesy to call up the so-called girlfriend and ask her how things are.

But no. I'm being neglected and I don't know what disastrous mistake it was that I've done to cause this wreck. Now I'm the one doing the chasing. I will if I could, message and call him first. And that's what I did but he doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I'm making an effort. And yesterday, we were supposed to meet up since New Year's Eve but he cancelled because he was tired.

I don't know what to do here people! Maybe I should give it to him this time. He's been working and he must be tired. Fine. He told me he'll be on leave the whole of next week. So I'm going to wait until then. Maybe even until the end of January because he also has 4 off days straight some time near the end of Jan. And if we still don't meet and nothing has improved till then, then I'm REALLY out. I'm done with him. Right now, I'm already on the brink of giving up. I'm not going to message or call him or make any arrangements to meet. So if by the end of January, nothing has changed, you'll know I'll be truthfully single and available.

Meanwhile, I have my books, my music, my work, my friends, my sleep, and my Jigsaw to keep me company.

Anyway, advices and suggestions by you are gladly welcome.
In my own world,
10:02 AM