Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Hit me hard.
So I finally cracked under the pressure of trying to avoid things and scents and feel of him. I don't know what I was thinking about while on my way to work in the train and the bus this morning, but I got to work teary eyed. I smiled a good morning to Ryan, Sheryn and Bing Ling, and shifted my eyes to the floor. The dam burst open when I reached the changing room. While counting my Controlled Drugs and my other items, Sheryn came in and realized something was amiss about me, I guess. She asked why and I told her I miss him.
I know I've been going on and on about him in this lovely blog of mine, and I've seem to act strong and have accepted that it's not working out but I'm tired. I am tired of putting up a tough act. I am tired of forcing myself to think that he's not good for me and there's a better one out there but if I were to be really honest, he's the best. If you knew him, you would think his personal traits are commendable. He's been brought up in a good family with strong ties. His financial account is healthy (as in, he knows how to save). He loves children and he respects his parents. It may sound little but there's a lot to describe in the 'personal traits' area.
I guess what happened in the end is the reason why I'm finding it difficult to put my shift into gear and move on, which is, I don't know what happened that led to.. whatever it is that's happening now. I don't know what happened.
Anyway, will be meeting Jaime later in the evening. Admittedly, I would much prefer to stay home and hide under my comforter, sleep off the sleepless night that I had just last night. But no. I think going out will do me a whole lot of good.
In my own world,
4:45 PM