Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

I suffered from a huge disappointment yesterday. I will forever have that depressing, sunken feeling as long as I don't have Samsung Omnia in my hands that I can claim my own.

Today marks the last day of the fasting month. Selamat Hari Raya to you all out there.

I spent today going for an IV course. After that I used up an hour reading my borrowed book (Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas by James Patterson. It's supposed to be a very good book, very moving, that makes you cry and cry.) while waiting for Jaime. She's two or three years my senior, not that she looks old at all. We headed to Bugis for some shopping. I must say I was suprised when she asked me out cuz we hardly talked at work.

I can't say enough about the saying "Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover". If I hadn't agreed to go out with Jaime today, I wouldn't have actually known her at all. What I see of her might probably remain forever as someone who's the life of the party, who's loud and popular, really confident, who has a lot of things going on in her life, a total opposite of me, if I hadn't gone out with her today.

I'm not saying that she's not all of those thing I've just described. But I guess I found out more about her, probably the real her when we talked. She's really down to earth, smart, funny, and really like a... real person, you know what I mean? There's something.. solid about her personality now that I've got to know her a little. Otherwise, she'll be like.. I don't know.. air? something you can't grab hold of?

Anyway, I found out we have some similarities. Besides the physical similarities of being underweight, having really tiny waists and wrists, and short bob hairstyle, we both tend to be the quiet ones when in a big group of people, especially when there are people more outspoken and more dominating in the group. We like guys of a different race from us. And we like to buy things that are cheap but doesn't look cheap.

Even so, our brassiere sizes are different. Hahah. She knows how to be confident and is able to talk and make herself seem sociable even when there are many people around. I don't. I'm still pretty quiet unless being spoken or talked to and my confidence level is still shaky. Our fashion style differs quite a bit, though I do really like her fashion sense. She knows how to put together a great outfit. Even if it's rare, she has the confidence to wear it. Like, you know, some people might wear something that could look nice, but if the person is not confident in what she's wearing, she won't look good.

I truly enjoyed myself today.
In my own world,
10:58 PM

I feel like shopping. But all I do is work and go home, work and go home. I can't even think of going shopping after work when all I can think of is "I have work tomorrow". Which just leads to a sinking and exhausting feeling.

For a couple of weeks already, every day as I go to work, I pass by Dorothy Perkins and there, on this headless mannequin, is a very nice plaid shirt and a thick belt wrapped around the waist. How I've always thought of just stepping into the shop and take a closer look at that top. But I hardly ever do a detour just before going to work, even if I'm early.

I wanna order some things from Forever21.com. Anyone wants something from there too? Save some from the shipping costs?

Anyway, I realized working in a place full of children does things to you and your uniform. Since I've worked in CE, I've had drool, vomit, medicine, snot, blood, and tears on my face, uniform, and shoes. I've even got one or ten pairs of footprints on the pants of my uniform when the kids kick and scream while I prick their fingers and squeeze several drops of their blood into a tiny tube. Good thing the one time I was holding a child of a few months old down to help with the suctioning, he wasn't wearing shoes. Or else I would have black prints on my chest too. Though, of course, I did suffer some discomfort from my boobs being kicked by his tiny feet.

And recently, I had to assist in feeding this small kid activated charcoal because he ingested iodine. Charcoal is black. And it's in liquid form. I prepared myself by wearing an apron and gloves. After a couple of feeding the sooty liquid to the struggling and crying boy, I realized what I donned on to protect myself was utterly useless. He finally erupted and dark vomit that consisted of some semi-solid curd-like stuff rained down onto my pants and my shoes and seeped in, warming my toes. EWW! Squish, squish I go as I staggered to the toilet and get as much vomit off from me as possible. When I was done, I was soaked from my shins down.

Alright, babes and dudes. I'm outta here to go iron my uniform.
In my own world,
8:01 PM

From this:


To what you see above. It got photoshopped. I don't know if I spoiled the picture by adding the fake colourful flowers, but who really cares? I like the hanging moss/ferns/vines thingies on the brick background though.

On to another topic, being a nurse is hard. It's really, really difficult. Especially when you work in ERs. I don't know about other countries, but in Singapore, people of all ages, suffering from all kinds of illness (from slight fever of one day to breathing difficulty to fatal road traffic accidents) WILL, and I repeat, WILL, at some point in their lives, visit the ERs. And when I say ER, I mean Emergency Room. It is meant for EMERGENCIES, life threatening, fatal cases that needs prompt treatment. If you have major injuries and medical problems that would lead you to a grave, by all means, we welcome you to the ER.

Those with cough of one day, fever of two days, abdominal pain for less than a day can easily be treated in GPs or polyclinics. There are plenty around in Singapore. But no. Most of the cases we see in the ER are these people.

And if you don't know how the workflow is like in the ERs, please, cease your complaining. In the ERs, we attend to the cases that are more urgent, more critical first. That means, should a 10-year-old boy be rushed in by an ambulance, sustaining a major head injury and several fatal fractures in the body 1 HOUR or 2 HOURS after YOU came, and you're still waiting to see the doctor, we will see to the boy first. Thus, you have to wait longer.

So with all these non-emergency cases constantly coming in, when there's an emergency, or at least a more serious case, you non-emergency cases (Cat 3) are pushed back. Although there are doctors meant to see these Cat 3 cases, some or all of them might have to do procedures on their patients, or they might need to review their other patients, or wait for the senior doctor to discuss the cases with. Can you see how the waiting time gets longer? You might as well go to GPs and polyclinics and wait for the same time cheaper.

Of course, I won't mind if these non-emergency cases comes in. Just as long as they don't come up to our nurses' station and give us a verbal abuse, I'm fine. We're fine. But that hardly ever happens. Never a day where there's more than 20 people on the queue to see a doctor goes by that we wouldn't suffer from some kind of verbal abuse. And you can't even imagine the sort of abuse we get. One of the patients actually said "F*** you" or "You're stupid" to colleagues of mine. And from what I read in the newspapers, some patients even threatened the nurses saying "Watch out if I see you outside".

They come in with their black faces and demand to know when they'll be attended to. When we explain to them the reasons why the waiting time is so long or tell them how many more patients to go before their turn, they give this "TSK!" noises and a huge frustrated sigh and shoot daggers and knives at us with their eyes and mouth.

Sometimes they come in again and ask again. When they're not happy with our reply, they'll say "I WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR NOW!". Like what in the world can WE do? It's the doctors that are seeing the patients. They're the ones calling the patients. We don't have much power to force the doctors to see you right away unless your child/relative takes a turn for the worse. Why don't you just barge into the doctors' room yourselves?

Of course, we try as much as we can to calm you down, communicate with you with the best possible service that we have. Give you the service from the heart. There was actually a course "Service from the Heart" for us. Frankly, most of us find it B*******. Most of the things we learn there is not really in the context of the ERs. So anyway, what we learned, is mostly to apologize first. Which sucked because we're not doing anything wrong. But we say it anyway, to show how humble we are, hoping you'll calm down. But no. Some would reply "Sorry, sorry for what?! Sorry can't do anything for me!" And then we tell them all the reasons we can possibly find with as much sugar-coated voice as we can possibly do without cringing and try our hardest not to yell at them when they demand and scream at us again and again.

Sure, maybe some of you reading this think that maybe we should use a stern voice and clean words that would eventually, to them sound like bad words. Put them in their place. Don't let them walk all over us. Like what you see on TV. TV sure can be rubbish sometimes. I don't want to get sacked, nor do I want to get a bruised eye or a broken nose should I accidentally provoke them with my tone of voice and reasonable reasons.

I'm just saying that angry patients/parents have selective hearing. They don't want to listen and take in the fact.

After all the commotion, they'll stomp out and continue waiting with burning hearts. When the doctors finally call them in, that's when most of us nurses hate it. Not because we're afraid they might yell at the doctors too, more of the opposite. Most patients will sit there, smiling sweetly, listening attentively, talking politely and say how professional they are, how competent they are. AGH!!! Just because we're nurses that help clean up your butt and serve you medications and give you the treatments and education you deserve and get pathetic salaries, you think you can give us an attitude? Like Jaime said, nurses are doctors at heart (after several years of experience of course), we just don't have the certificate. The worst thing is that it's not our fault! Maybe it's not the doctor's fault either. It could be your own fault because you come in to the ER when you don't have an E anywhere on you and build up the waiting time.

I like taking care of people, see them get the treatment they need to get better. But I hate how sometimes the 'slave' is more than the 'nurse'.
In my own world,
3:19 AM

Things are looking up at work, I suppose. Lailee and Fiza have been great with assuring me and all that. I mean, seriously. It got so bad that I had nightmares almost every night.

Well, I don't really have much to talk about. Just that I found out that nurses have been reading my blog and Dr. Benny Loo happened to see it too. I totally didn't think they'd read my past entries. Now he knows that I'd mentioned him in my blog. Plus he saw two other doctors' names. Who would have thought Dr. Chew Weida was his classmate? Oh my GOD! Now my mind is running through the lines of previous entries, trying hard to remember what I wrote long, long time ago. Anyway, I'm not sure if Dr. Benny really read through the entries about him and the other doctors, or if he just glimpsed the names. Wah.. embarrassing.

So that was how one morning came, Dr. Benny arrived at work and almost yelled "Nadiah!". Just hearing my name alone gave me a shock because it was unexpected that he knows my name and is able to match the name to a face. Because, those people who know me, I'm pretty quiet. I'm mostly in the background. He continued with, "I didn't know you write so well. I saw your blog." I think I got scared and kinda stood still for a while, trying to recall my words. Hahaha. Hmm.. I didn't say anything about the doctors being cute, did I? So for three days straight after that, he reminded me to write on my blog. Not about what I'm doing or what's been going on in my life, know. He hinted at me to write how jinxed and fed up he is. Hahaha.

So, here I am. Well.. he really is jinxed. Whenever he is the resus doctor, resus cases keeps coming in. So besides the usual crowd of patients, he also has to run out in the middle of consultations to attend to a resus. And I guess he was really busy that he told me to write in my blog that he's "fed up". Hahah. I don't know if I'm making him more jinxed, but twice when I tried to give him a '9' case, not half an hour later, resus was called for.

The first time I tried to give him, early in the morning, when there's hardly any patients, even though he was resus doctor. He said "But I'm resus leh." Usually I try not to give resus doctors '9' cases but my seniors say if there's no other doctors, and there's no resus, you can give to a resus doctor. So anyway, I said "But now no resus." But in the end, I gave the '9' case to another doctor. At least he said it nicely and jokingly kind of way. Wah.. I don't think 30 minutes even passed when they called for a resus, and he had to hurry out. Good thing I didn't give him the '9' case, right?

Today, he was again the resus doctor. It was still early in the morning, 8am I think. There should be at least 2 morning doctors, Dr. Benny was one. The other one was late. So a '9' case came at about 8am. There was no one else to give the '9' case to so I had to give it to Dr. Benny la. He was like "No choice, right?" Haha. This time, not 5 minutes later, there was a resus. He hardly got a chance to ask a question to the '9' case patient, when he had to run for resus. And I felt so guilty la. Hahaha. Funny sia. He looked amused when he rushed to the resus room. You know the kind when you laugh in short gasps when you realize how jinxed you are. In his mind he must be saying "Unbelievable! I am NOT going to take a '9' case from Nadiah again when I'm the resus doctor." Haha.

But he's cool. Super nice doctor.
In my own world,
8:31 PM

Today was fun. Something did spoil some of my mood. But it's ok. I know I didn't do anything wrong so.. forget it.

Anyway, today is the day I broke fast with my colleagues. Met up with Nadhirah first a few hours before all of us were suppose to meet. And I went to cut my hair. Fantastic luck, I got a cute young male hair stylist. Anyway, ended up getting bangs. I have no idea how to maintain this hairstyle. I like my hair stylist, Darren Shen. He's not only utterly cute, but he's friendly as well and gives recommendations. Plus he has great hair. This is my fourth time going to that salon. Definitely returning there. Maybe I'll get my hair done there whenever I visit Orchard Road, which is not often. At the end, he made me do a survey/feedback. Peculiar questions include "Do you have Friendster/Facebook?" and "Can we add you in Friendster/Facebook?". Hahah. Anyway, Nadhirah got influenced and got her fringe done too.

After that, we window-shopped and met the rest outside Carousel. Those went were Julianah, Kak Ros, Kak Rakiyah, Kak Haniza, Yanti, Lailee and her boyfriend.

Carousel is an upscale restaurant, for those who don't know. Like me. It's very nice. The food was awesome! The desserts.. I can just moan with pleasure. There were souffle, tiramisu, cake, fondue, cream brulee and many many more. Today was a day of many firsts. Dining in a fine restaurant, eating desserts I've only heard of, having a cloth napkin on my lap instead of tissue paper, eating all kinds of seafood that came from shells. I ate raw oyster! Oh my God. And I don't think I've ever eaten in a place where each person has to pay $52. At least.

Of course there were pictures taken and laughter shared. Pictures will be up when I get them.

At the end, the bill went into the hundreds. Not one or two. More. And a surprise awaited us, one of us 'belanja' us! I don't know if I can air out her name here but those who know what/who I'm talking about, then you know la. Thanks so much!

Since we didn't get to use our $52, Julianah and I didn't mind taking a cab home. It was a really good experience today.
In my own world,
9:47 PM

Everybody makes mistakes.
Everybody has those days.
Everybody knows what I'm talking about.
Everybody gets that way.

Sometimes I'm in a jam, I've gotta make a plan.
It might be crazy, I do it anyway.
No way to know for sure, I'll figure out a cure.
I'm patching up the holes, but then it overflows.
If I'm not doing too well, why be so hard on myself?

Nobody's perfect.
I gotta work it.
Again and again 'til I get it right.
Nobody's perfect.
You live and you learn it.
And if I mess it up sometimes...
Nobody's perfect.

Sometimes I work a scheme, but then it flips on me.
Doesn't turn out how I planned, get stuck in quick sand.
No problem can't be solved, once I get involved.
I try to be delicate, then crash right into it.
But my intentions are good, sometimes just misunderstood.

Nobody's perfect.
I gotta work it.
I know in time I'll find a way.
Nobody's perfect.

Sometimes I fix things up, and they fall apart again.
Nobody's perfect.
I might mix things up, but I always get it right in the end.
You know I do.

Next time you feel like it's just one of those days,
When you just can't seem to win,
If things don't turn out the way you plan,
Figure something else out.
Don't stay down, try again!

Nobody's perfect.
I gotta work it.
Again and again 'til I get it right.
Nobody's perfect.
You live and you learn it.
And if I mess it up sometimes...
Nobody's perfect.
I gotta work it.
I know in time I'll find a way
Nobody's perfect.
'Cause everybody makes mistakes.
In my own world,
11:49 PM

I had an awesome time with Shikin, Haiqal, Sean, Shu Xian, Azfar and Fizah after work today. After weeks of organising this MI gathering, out of 10 people invited, only these 6 came.

These people are the friends I made during the 3 months period after secondary school ended and before JC/Poly started. We only knew each other for 3 months but we totally enjoyed our time in MI and I guess we've gotten close. But it's only after 3 years that we decided to have this gathering.

I went to Marina Square straight after work, succeeding in not getting lost. I think I waited close to an hour for the rest to arrive. Slowly one by one came. All of us haven't seen or talk to each other for years, almost 3 years. So anyway, at first, with only Azfar, Haiqal, Shikin and Sean, it was weird as hell. We were too quiet, shy maybe. We asked each other what each of us were doing with our lives now. It was awkward. It wasn't until much much later, some time before we headed to Secret Recipe to break fast, during our arcade session, that the ice finally broke, big time.



During dinner we reminisced our times during our MI days. How we skipped lectures, how we played pool after school, how we didn't do our homework, our teachers, the pranks we played, how we played cards at the back of the lecture hall, the other friends in our class. Had a great laugh.



After that we went to Changing Appetites and ate three different kinds of ice cream and desserts. It was yummy! The guys played a prank on Fizah, as usual. You know the Tabasco sauce, they bluffed her by saying it's actually a drink sweetener. Hahaha. Fizah doesn't know what the sauce is actually. So she poured some drops of the sauce into her drink and drank it. Her reaction thereafter was hilarious. I took a video of it but am not gonna post it here. Sean laughed till he cried while Azfar laughed till he almost rolled of his chair to the floor. It was so much fun.



After that, Sean sent Shikin, Haiqal, Shu Xian and I home in his car. Again we reminisced about the times we went out before. So much fun. Anyway, he sent us straight to our blocks. It was so nice of him. He even opened the door for me and held my hand while I got out. SUCH a gentleman. I want this kind of guy. He's so cool.



At the end of the day, I'm very relieved and utterly happy that the outing was a success. Ice got broken and we had fun and laughter. Everyone enjoyed themselves. I'm relieved because I was the main organiser of this gathering. So I was really stressing during the weeks I was planning this and contacting them like crazy. I was so worried no one would enjoy themselves. But, hey, it ended perfectly. I can't wait for the next outing with them!
In my own world,
10:27 PM

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

In my own world,
2:29 AM