Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

Sometimes I wish I can act on my impulses and those irresistible urges and desires that come over me at unexpected times, without thinking of the consequences, without having anything at all to prevent me from doing it.

One of these days, I might want to go for a vacation overseas alone. By myself. Just me, one luggage (or two), one flight ticket, a single bed in the B&B, table for one. Just me and the whole city/country to discover by myself.

I can just imagine myself in dark skinny jeans tucked into black heeled boots, a black and white plaid wool long sleeve under a white pea coat. A pretty vibrant red wool scarf wrapped around my neck brightens the whole outfit. I'm standing at the pavement beside the newsstand, carefully perusing a map of the city/country in my white gloved hands. A book filled with coloured pictures of things to do, places to visit and food to eat is tucked under my left arm.

I swing my gold coloured sling bag that carries my passport, my wallet, a bottle of mineral water, my cellphone, a packet of Werther's Original, a paperback novel and a mini multi-language dictionary, to the back, out of my legs' way as I start to cross the road as the green man lights up, eyes wide taking in the buildings around me, looking for someplace that would give me a clue to where I am on the map. I hold my white beret down on my head as an unexpected cold gush of wind blows my hair back.

While strolling down the street, window-shopping along the way, I come upon a quaint Italian cafe. The row of pretty and brightly coloured flowers that lines the bottom panel of the window and the warm orange lighting in the cafe just lures me to it. A whiff of fresh bread, pasta, a hint of pepper and freshly brewed coffee as the door slowly closes behind the previous customer, further pulls me in. A little bell gave a tinkle as I push the door open. As I step in, across the floor, behind the counter, a handsome waiter looks up from the cash register after handing another customer his change, and smiles, welcoming me in. I vaguely take in the other busy waiters and waitresses that bustles about taking new orders and deftly balancing trays of food and drinks to the occupied tables.

I settle myself in a plush burgundy high-backed cushioned seat by the cafe window as the said dashing waiter, who looks about my age, dressed in a white shirt, black pants and shiny black shoes comes around the counter and approaches me, a menu in his right hand. My heart gives a little flutter as his long legs ate up the short distance between us. His gaze does not waver from me, an easy smile playing on his lips. It feels like a pair of invisible hands has clamped around my face so that I cannot turn my head. His smile widen, almost amused. I blink as he stops at my table and hands me the laminated menu. He pulls out a pad and a pencil from the pocket of his black apron that he wears over his uniform. His name tag is pinned just below the orange stitching of the cafe's name, on his left breast. I look up at him as I gave him my order. From where I am, up close, I can see the genuine smile and the twinkle it brings to his eyes. I can hardly keep a sigh from escaping my lips.

"Will that be all?" He asks with a slight accent that I can't quite place my finger on. With a lifting of my lips that I hope is not pathetically dopey, I nod, "Thank you."

With the slightest of bows, he turns and goes about getting my glass of blended ice mocha topped with cream and chocolate sprinkles, my plate of turkey sandwich and a complimentary basket of crispy garlic bread. I cannot help the tiniest moans of pleasure erupting from my throat.

Sigh..

Back to reality, Nad! Get right back to reality.

Or maybe I'll just go somewhere overseas alone but meet British James there. We'll meet somewhere between his country and mine and have a vacation. Haha. I need a huge scissors to cut this rope of reality tied around my waist. It's tugging at me.

Thus, back to my first point. I want to do things without anything to stop me. Money, time, work, knowledge. It's all a factor in this.

Argh!
In my own world,
5:30 PM

Dear Nadiah,

Happy birthday. You've reached the big 2-0 which you've been dreading so much. As you know, you can't avoid it. You are probably going to have people wishing you happy birthday again next year. And the years after that. You're going to have to stand on your own two feet and be wiser on the decisions you make in life. You're going to have to live with the tiny hints like wrinkles or age spots appearing as you grow.

Despite what you think, you're still quite young. You have lots of years to experience and achieve your goals. Just make that step and do not be afraid of making a mistake. There will be people who will yell at you and criticize you. Others who will be your friend when you're face to face but will stab you when your back is turned. And the rest who just plain hate you. Hopefully, there are those who'll be there for you when you start to experience the bitter side of life. But in the end, you'll be learning something.

Just strive for what you want. You might not be as lucky as some who have the talents, the brains of the world, or the bank account of a celebrity. So to get what you want, you're going to have to work hard. And while you're striving, do not forget those who've cared for you, who've helped you along the way until you reach your goal. Especially God and your parents.

I hope you'll be happy with your life.

Signed,
Your Friend.

PS I'm sorry you're sick on this day.
In my own world,
12:39 PM

You know what I suddenly feel like doing from now on? I feel like bowing and curtsying to people. It's like how the Japanese bow to each other and English ladies curtsy to others as a form of greeting and acknowledging their presence. It's polite and, I don't know, enchanting? And I find it sweet and ladylike to curtsy.

However, I do find bowing and curtsying a tad degrading. Because doing so, you're showing respect. And most of the time, it's upon those who are older than you, of a higher rank than you. From the books I read, all maids and servants do the actions. Ladies do too. Only it's towards the elderly of a rank and to gentlemen they've been introduced to. It hardly shows the equality everyone wants among mankind.

Thus, the conflict within my mind.
In my own world,
11:26 PM

I just finished watching this Korean Drama Series called Coffee Prince. Wow. It's great to a point that I laughed out loud many times, that I cried with the characters, that I could feel the love between the two main characters. It's a must watch. Click here to see it. The website's really good and the shows load extremely fast.

Sigh..

I want to experience the fluttery feeling you get when you see him walk into the room, the racing of the heart you get when there's a standstill as you look into his eyes, the shyness that comes over you when your friends tease you about him, the tingle on the skin you feel everywhere he touched, the catch of the breath that happens each time you kiss, the lighthearted feeling you get when you talk on the phone with him every night before sleeping, the moments when you have to bite your lip so that you won't scream with excitement when he catches hold of your hand while strolling along the beach, the times when you hold the phone to your heart and can't stop smiling after receiving a text message from him, the happiness you feel when he whispers "I miss you" and "I love you" into your ears.

Wouldn't it be nice to fall in love?

Argh! I want to fall in love!

Anyway, is LG Prada a good phone? One of the characters in Coffee Prince uses this phone all the time. Hmm. I guess TV shows and movies really work on making people purchase things. I thought I'd never be hooked on to a product used in movies and stuff.

No, wait. Or maybe I want LG Secret instead. Actually I wanted the new Samsung Omnia, but my aunt bought it first. I don't want to have the same, like copy-copy like that. Don't like.

LG SECRET
SAMSUNG OMNIA
In my own world,
1:16 AM

Dr. Jason Lau is the cutest doctor I've seen so far. Cute as in adorable. The kind where you want to pinch his cheeks or cuddle him. The kind where your heart will break should you see him sad or cry. He's not fat or chubby. He looks like an awkward, blur, skinny little boy. That's just how he looks la but really, I don't know how he is. He's obviously smart. And so darn adorable! I think Dr. Pauline also see him a little like a small boy cuz I saw her tap his head like you do to someone young who did something silly. He's such a pleasant person to look at. Such a darling.

Anyway, I found this in facebook.com, posted by Croire, my colleague. I think my fellow nurses friends might find it funny.

HR Memo

To all Employees:

Effective January 2008

Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30
minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Management

Hahaha.

And this is the FOUR STAGES OF LIFE.

In my own world,
6:00 PM

Being on the bus for an hour and a half makes you think. A lot.

What I thought in the bus today on the way home was that I have this personal house somewhere that I can go to when I'm stressed up or downright angry. The house is a modern-looking home, blocky-looking, with floor to ceiling tinted glass windows. It is triple-storeyed with a sun roof. There's a garage that keeps my Lexus. The house is sound proof.

There's a door in the garage that leads to another room, a secret room. This room looks just like any other huge luxurious-looking room, only it's not carpeted, but has a polished parquet flooring. To the left wall, it has shelves and shelves of neatly arranged expensive-looking pieces made of porcelain or glass. The opposite wall has a life-sized human-shaped punching bag. At the corner next to it, there's a random-shaped, moderately-easy-to-dent item. A rack of baseball bat stands next to it. The room has speakers installed, invisible to the eye, that gives out excellent quality sound, just like in the movie theaters.

One day, I'm over at the house, bursting with pent up anger, stress, depression. I lock the door and charge into the secret room. I turn on the stereo, blasting the music loud enough you could feel the vibrations from the outside, but soft enough for myself to hear the crashes and the bangs I'm about to make.

Depending on my mood and how much energy I have that day, I'll probably start with the shelves of porcelain and glass pieces. It's my favourite, anyway. Thinking about the day, the event that caused me to get so mad, as quick as lightning I grab the fragile pieces and start throwing them against the wall, grunting and screaming as they smash into pieces. I get so mad, tears start welling up in my eyes. When I begin to tire, I throw one last piece of glass against the wall.

Then my knees give way. I fall to the floor and cry my heart out.
In my own world,
11:48 PM