Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter.

Wait.

It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.

And if you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy."

I bet it means something.

Hahah.

I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy girl. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

Here's something I made. I'm quite proud of it.


In my own world,
10:37 PM

Yesterday, we had to go back to school for one last debrief. It was pretty disappointing on the students part. I could see how disappointed and exasperated Dr. Thomas was. And I CANNOT stand those people who walked in late. Super irresponsible. And unrespectful. Especially during the visitor's talk. It's utterly embarrassing how some people just strolled in when they know they're late. I'm giving them some credit saying that they KNOW that they're late.

Anyway, after that 4 of us girls went to the Airport. We went to the Viewing Mall (or was it Hall?). Whatever. I saw the planes! I love aeroplanes. I just can't get over the fact how gigantic they are. I'm in such awe every single time I see a plane.

Then we all went over to my house to search and book our flight tickets and hotel rooms to Bangkok, Thailand. It's pretty exciting.

Today, I met up with Amala to go to 'work'. We brought cakes and brownies and a card for the Ward where we've grown at least 3 months. I'm missing them already. I went home after that, tired. When I reached my stop, the train station was PACKED! Outside, you could hardly move with crowds and queues everywhere. The queue was so long it got to the Bus Interchange and even beyond that. I was shocked and confused. I saw policemen. The traffic was jammed. Cars were everywhere, carparks full. And people. Every inch space. I was like what's happening?

And then I saw the sign:



OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....
In my own world,
12:48 PM

Last day of work! Finally! And it was so busy. I think it was trying to get the most out of me before I leave. 7 admissions at one go. Like really, within 15 minutes, there were 7 admissions. Phones were ringing off the hook. Like 2 phones ringing at the same time. Staff were busy with the patients and medications and IVs so.. left the clerk. It felt funny. Like really the HAHA funny. We're so busy like chickens.

Can't wait to come back on Saturday with Amala. I hope to see my favourite HO again. I'm putting myself up for a disappointment but.. it's the last day! What have I got to lose?

Anyway, it's 80 to 90 percent confirmed that I'll be working in Children's Emergency. I'll be with 5 or 6 other NYP students. I'll be the first and only NP student to work in KKH Children's Emergency.

I wish I was a doctor. So when the operator announces "Attention all medical staff. Code Blue in *insert place here*.", I can run to wherever it is and get all the excitement. Today there was one at the Women's Tower near the shuttle bus area.

I'm gonna miss my staff!

Oh. I think I know what it feels like to be the one whose hand is held by a woman or anyone in labour. I had this patient who squeezed the blood out of my hands almost distorting my finger bones when she was having contractions. She was screaming right there in the ward, in the cubicle of 6 patients. She kept on complaining of pain but refused IM Pethidine. Crying and screaming like shit. Next time think before having hot sex without proper contraception and then ending up having to abort the result of your consummation. Maybe consummation is not even the right word, since you're unmarried.
In my own world,
5:58 PM

I love work yesterday. Although it was still busy like hell. Shortage of staff. Big time.

I like my staff.

And Dr. Chew made my day yesterday. I like him. Will miss him when he's gone.

Then school happened.
In my own world,
4:07 PM

When I'm alone, the four walls and the non-living things in the room are privy to my secrets, my deep dark secrets. My feelings and my dreams and wishes. That's because I talk to myself. I yell, I sing, I beg, I groan, I swear, I cry. I make faces, I stamp my feet, I dance. Just within that 4 walls. Anywhere and anytime when a strong feeling provokes me. During work, after work. In the MO's room. In the preparation and the treatment room. In the sluice room. In the toilet in front of the mirror. Going home, in the lift, up to my house... And when someone steps into those 4 walls, when the lift door opens, when I'm finished with what I was doing in the room, with a quick sigh, the curtains come down, hiding my private performance and I walked out, a slight smile, or just a grim line depending on the situation, on my face.

I think I did a lot of that today. Today was quite eventful. Some of the events, which have a lot to do with Dr. Chew, gave my heart a workout. Especially when I catch his eyes and when he asks me to translate something to the patient and when he replies the notes clipped to the patients' casenotes and when he stands so bloody close to me. And when I found out he took the chocolates and the card. Damn it.

Others gave me a physical workout. It was utterly busy today. I was running here and there, doing this order and that, changing dressings, admitting patients, preparing patients for operation, doing the parameters, answering the call bell, helping patients to the toilet, writing and passing reports and God knows how many more.

This is the problem being a student nurse. Especially a third year student nurse. You're in between doing junior (EN) work and the staff nurse (SN) job. EVERYONE asks/tells you to do things. I know the real meaning of being a nurse, what you are really supposed to do when you're a staff nurse is really to not forget to do the basic nursing care. Being a staff nurse is like a combination of being an EN AND an SN. But really, when I really look at it, when I'm in the ward, the EN does her job and the SN does what only an SN can do, only OCCASIONALLY doing an EN job like answering the call bell and doing parameters and updating the goddamn I/O charts when there's no one around to help do that for them. But when they spot a student nurse, well, hey, who do you think they call for help?

Don't get me wrong, I still love helping people. Yea, I might grumble inside and my face would sometimes go a little darker. But I always approach the patient with at least a little smile. And when I did what I had to do for the patients and they talk to me while I'm at it and they thank me after that... I'd say it was worth it. For a moment you feel glad and humbled. It lasts for some time. And then you draw back the curtains around the patient's bed and all the rest of the work lies waiting for you. Man!

The staff, well, my staff, are really not all that bad. They're really not. I like them a lot. Sometimes when there's a lull during work, some of them actually apologizes and thank me after I did what they told me to do. At the end of the day, they kid with you. How can I stay angry or dislike them?

The doctors, the housemen mostly, some of them can be so bloody cocky, swaggering everywhere, writing and signing things we tell them to write and sign and then leaving it there on the already messy nurses' counter. God! When I think about some of them, well 2 exactly, I just wish I could give them a hard shove. But others.. mmm =)

I'm excited. I'm excited for what's coming. Of course, there are dread, definitely. But, well, let's see.



I'm not afraid of the ringing phone anymore!
In my own world,
4:33 PM

Ward 43 and Ward 44 had very little patients as most went home for the New Year, so they combined the wards. My patients in Ward 43 moved to Wd 44. I only had 3 patients. There weren't much to do. But working with SN Wendy was nice.

Dr. Chew recognized me! He saw me somewhere along the shops, smiled and said hello. So nice!

After work, I went with Wendy to Dhoby Ghaut. Separated ways to meet up with our own friends. Caught the movie Sweeny Todd with Wil. I think that was the first movie that I came out not feeling dreamy in love or lighthearted with laughter or bouncy with excitement. But I still like Johnny Depp.

Anyway, 2 more weeks till PRCP ends!! I can't wait!

In the US, two nursing students were shot dead by their classmate. I had goosebumps when I heard about it.

Heath Ledger passed away from drug overdose.

Ah Meng is dead.

It's almost like a slap to the face.

On to another topic...

I wanna shop in Bloomingdales!!
In my own world,
9:05 PM

In hospitals, they say you know. You know when you're going to die. Some doctors say it's a look patients get in their eyes. Some say there's a scent, the smell of death. Some think there's just some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is heading for you, you feel it coming.

Whatever it is, it's creepy. Because if you know... what do you do about it? Forget about the fact that you're scared out of your mind.

If you knew this was your last day on Earth, how would you want to spend it?
In my own world,
6:05 PM

Today was GREAT!

After work I went back to school and met up with Tini, Ais and Nisa. We were all supposed to have our NAPFA test. But in the end, it was cancelled. Anyway, I had SO MUCH FUN catching up with them. We laughed a whole lot.

And I saw Wilson in school! After I found out NAPFA was cancelled, I asked him if he wants to go catch a movie. But realized he has work after school. So okay. After eating at MegaBites with the girls, I went home. Took the train. Past the halfway point to my stop, Wilson smsed me that he didn't have work after all. So we discussed, discussed, while I was suffocating from the body odour of this man standing in front of me (train was packed), and we decided to catch a movie! Yay!

We went to The Cathay and bought the 2125hr movie tickets to "27 Dresses". I've been wanting to see it since it's open in the cinemas. The movie was AWESOME. Katherine Heigl is GORGEOUS. The whole thing is really nice and sweet and romantic. I'm such a sucker for this kind of movies. Wilson likes it too. Thanks to me, he finally heard of the movie.

Anyway, I had a great time. I think I've always had a great time with him. It was the smartest move I've made, joining Red Cross. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known him. And to top it off, he told me Yewming asked about me! That was so sweet, Yewming remembering me. He remembers me and my name!

The movie ended about 2330hrs. So I decided to take a cab home. Good thing I had my NETS. God, I was so happy all the way home, smiling and stuff.

Oh, remember Dr. Ang, the HO I talked about previously? I dreamt of him. When I went to work, I had a stomachache thinking of him. I think I miss him or something? He's not in my ward anymore. The HOs changes wards every two weeks. Geez. I must have lusted over him or something. Or it could be infatuation. Cuz it can't be love. Haha.

The last day before Dr. Ang left, I asked him about something in the IMR. So then, in a friendly, cheerful kind of voice, he asked me to check the casenotes. So I was like okay, took the casenotes, opened it up and tried to read it. He walked behind me. I thought nothing of it. But then, he stopped beside me and stood so bloody damn close to read the casenotes I had, that I could smell his scent. He was on call, said he showered at 3am. Hahaha.

SHUT UP, NADIAH.

Oh have I ever told you how much I hate people who interrupts me? Spoils my moment so much, I don't even want to continue what I was saying to them.
In my own world,
12:16 AM