Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

I know, I know. I've yakked and yakked about doctors before. So, I'm going to make this quick.

I'm crazy about doctors!

Dr. Ang has the nicest cheekbones I've ever seen on a guy. And he's friendly and so cool. I've had 3 encounters with him that I'm excited about. Not that big an encounter but at least he knows I exist. Gawd! He's cute. Just now, at work. He was supposed to insert a Cervagem. He asked EN Hudah to assist him but she was busy on the phone. In my mind/heart, I wanted to volunteer. I was going to, almost found my courage, when he asked me first! If my heart had legs and a trampoline, it would have jumped. I think it did, up till my throat that I almost wanted to scream.

After work I saw Dr. Soon limping. I asked if he was ok and he was like "Oh yeah. Still painful." And then he said "Thanks for asking." If I had a Happy-o-meter, it kinda raised by a bit.

Haha.

Anyway, I'm watching The O.C. There's this guy, Oliver. I HATE HIM! I HATE HIS FACE! And Marissa. SO STUPID AND BLIND! Ok. That's just how they're supposed to act. Fine.

And who is this littlemimzy person?
In my own world,
4:25 PM

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In my own world,
8:15 PM

I think I may have lost a friend. He's been cold.

Chatting with Tian Shun helped me get over it though.

Just a little bit. Everyone over there just reminds me of the bad stuff. I wish to cut it out of the picture of my life.
In my own world,
11:53 PM

I was late for work today. My first time being late. But it was not my fault. I had to make a detour because the train was out of service. So they had a shuttle bus to bring us to Tanah Merah MRT Station.

I came across 3 quite infuriating people I never wish to come across again.

One was the shuttle bus driver. She took the long way to each train stop.

Second was this woman (Singaporeans might call her 'aunty'). The kind I dislike the most. She's the kind who likes to gossip and talk in loud voices and likes to boast. She thinks she's so smart. She just HAD to force me down the bus, thinking that's the bloody stop but ends up going back up the bus because that was NOT the stop. So I wasted my spot in the bus, almost couldn't get back in because the bus was full to the seams. So she got down the back door, realized it was the wrong stop, rushed back to the front door, cutting the queue and then BLOCKS the damn entrance talking to the driver, asking questions. I'm like HELLOOOO. Some of us are late for work. THEN she just HAD to stand near the cramp entrance and the rest of us had to squeeze past her. I wish I could knock her over with my big bag.

Third was this absolutely no manners woman. She was like sniffing because of her runny nose or something. Suddenly she tap the man in front of her and asked for a plastic bag. But the man didn't have one. Just so happens, there was this guy standing beside her holding a plastic bag containing his styrofoam-packed food. I just could not take the way she asked for the bag. She taps the plastic bag the guy was holding and said "Lai, lai (come, come). I want plastic bag. Want to vomit." All the while gesturing with her hands for the plastic bag in a hurried way. Ok I know, it's better to hurry in case you vomit on people's shoes. But the tone she used! Oh man! Slap-deserving, please.

So anyway, I've already messaged Amala in advance to help me inform the staff that I'll be late. God! I wonder what they think of me now. Why does this has to happen just after I handed my Ward Sister my assessment form on how she'll grade me. I could have gotten 5 points (i.e. Always) for Punctuality.

But work was fine. I passed report quite well today.

Then Amala and I dropped by Bugis Junction and Bugis Village. Quite fun. I discovered this cool makeover place, thanks to Amala. They have this promotion going on. Usual price $180 or was it $160? But anyway, now it's only $65. I wanna go! Somebody accompany me!

And then on the way home, I saw Zhongwei!!!!! My secondary school friend. We used to be close. I so miss her. And secondary school life.
In my own world,
7:48 PM

I hate work! Not that anything horrible is happening to me. I just plain hate work. When I was young I've never thought of working. Sure I've had ambitions like having a 'Dr.' in front of my name, but I've never really thought I'd go out into the world and work for money. When I got older, the hope of not working became even stronger. I wanted to study forever. Will I be correct if I say "Where would I get the money to study?" is the question on your mind? For me, money doesn't grow on trees.

Actually I don't mind working. I just hate starting low and having to work my way up. I hate facing up to the seniors and bosses. Maybe starting my own business won't have me do that. But I hate business.

Well, I guess I can't escape. Especially not when I'm planning to further my studies in the UK with Aisyah!

I wanna stay in budget apartments in a good neighbourhood.
I wanna sit in tiered lecture theatres with thick textbooks on my tiny desk that comes attached to the seat.
I wanna sit at wooden tables and benches or have a stroll in campus.
I wanna wear scrubs or their uniform when having attachments in the hospitals.
I wanna be friends with people with to-die-for British accents.
I wanna go upscale shopping in London.
I wanna visit a couple of old castles in the country.
I wanna put on fashionable winter coats and wrap a thick stylish scarf around my neck and stride confidently in heeled boots across the roads.
I wanna get a degree in Emergency Nursing there.

I don't think I'd need an adrenaline shot ever cuz I WILL have an adrenaline rush everytime I see a cute English guy there. Which I have a feeling would be everywhere. Hahaha.

And, I wanna find Mr. Right there. And Aisyah will sing me my theme song.

Hahaha.

But first, I have to go through 3 years of working in Singapore. I have to save up every last penny I can get my hands on. Damn! 3 years of work can't be enough to live in UK. Not even if I save and not ever touch all of my salary. *Mental calculations* Oh my God. I'm starting to think it's impossible to study in UK. Oh God, oh God. I hope there'll be scholarships there. I mean, China students who come to Singapore have bonds for 6 years. I hope it's similar over there. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE!
In my own world,
5:59 PM

My fellow PRCP mates and I went to get our uniform measured. Some say the new uniform looks like a stewardess outfit. That was my first thought after a few moments of eyeing the new uniform that I'd have to don on for 3 years. The colour's off-white. I much prefer white. So anyway, my size is XXS. And even that needed some adjustments. Gosh, seriously.

Work has been fine. I like being busy doing stuff. But I hate admissions. And I also hate it when patients keep on calling for you when you're utterly busy. Especially around the time to write and pass report. Because that's probably the most stressful part of the whole shift for me. Every single time, moments before I had to pass report, I'll get so nervous, my heart pumps faster. I feel like I'm doing a performance. What's more, you're not like THERE in the ward the WHOLE time. So you're not THERE to listen to the patients or get orders from EVERY doctor that works on your patients. Nor do you answer EVERY phone call that has something to do with your patients. So I'm always, ALWAYS, anticipating questions that I won't be able to answer from the staff I'm passing report to. And when I can't answer a question, I'll feel like I'm not doing a good job. Which is a horrible, HORRIBLE feeling because I am a perfectionist. I can't help it, but I am.

Sometimes I can't wait to be a staff. That's because I feel like making a new "CCA" in the hospital. I already have a member. But I think I'll make her a co-president. What CCA i'm talking about is a sign language club. Made for the staff. I can't help it. Every time I listen to my MP3, my hand itches to sign. It's really exciting and really nice to song sign, I just want to share it with more people. I'm already imagining how I'd stand in front of a few interested people introducing myself and the club and then giving a short song signing performance. I'm thinking... "Doing That Thing You Do" by The Wonders. It's catchy. A good song to attract people. Oh well. We'll see.

Anyway, I love change. Some of the changes I love are on me. Especially good changes. Like for example, I cut my hair! It's shorter now. Wait, duh! I felt really pretty and cute that I went for a quick shopping right after my haircut. Got some pretty simple accesories for my hair and some new earrings. I can't wait for my next hair cut! Maybe I should go once a month instead of the recommended once every 6 months. Nah. Maybe 3 months.
In my own world,
4:45 PM

Fresh starts. Thanks to the calendar, they happen every year. Just set your watch to January. Our reward for surviving the holiday season, is a new year. Bringing on the tradition of New Year's resolutions. Put your past behind you, and start over.

It's hard to resist the chance of a new beginning. A chance to put the problems of last year to bed.

I really really can't wait to get away from it all. I want to leave practically every thing and every one I know (except my fam) behind and start every thing new. Sometimes I wish I can get hold of the memory file cabinets in my brain and shred some of them away. Just like in one episode of Spongebob Squarepants. Too bad I'm not a cartoon.

Who gets to determine when the old ends, and the new begins? It's not a day on a calendar, not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event. Big or small. Something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope.

A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning.

But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to.

I can't find anything to hold on to, yet. But I know some things that I'm letting go off: You all won't be seeing me in class anymore. Sorry.
In my own world,
8:20 PM