Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

When I'm alone, the four walls and the non-living things in the room are privy to my secrets, my deep dark secrets. My feelings and my dreams and wishes. That's because I talk to myself. I yell, I sing, I beg, I groan, I swear, I cry. I make faces, I stamp my feet, I dance. Just within that 4 walls. Anywhere and anytime when a strong feeling provokes me. During work, after work. In the MO's room. In the preparation and the treatment room. In the sluice room. In the toilet in front of the mirror. Going home, in the lift, up to my house... And when someone steps into those 4 walls, when the lift door opens, when I'm finished with what I was doing in the room, with a quick sigh, the curtains come down, hiding my private performance and I walked out, a slight smile, or just a grim line depending on the situation, on my face.

I think I did a lot of that today. Today was quite eventful. Some of the events, which have a lot to do with Dr. Chew, gave my heart a workout. Especially when I catch his eyes and when he asks me to translate something to the patient and when he replies the notes clipped to the patients' casenotes and when he stands so bloody close to me. And when I found out he took the chocolates and the card. Damn it.

Others gave me a physical workout. It was utterly busy today. I was running here and there, doing this order and that, changing dressings, admitting patients, preparing patients for operation, doing the parameters, answering the call bell, helping patients to the toilet, writing and passing reports and God knows how many more.

This is the problem being a student nurse. Especially a third year student nurse. You're in between doing junior (EN) work and the staff nurse (SN) job. EVERYONE asks/tells you to do things. I know the real meaning of being a nurse, what you are really supposed to do when you're a staff nurse is really to not forget to do the basic nursing care. Being a staff nurse is like a combination of being an EN AND an SN. But really, when I really look at it, when I'm in the ward, the EN does her job and the SN does what only an SN can do, only OCCASIONALLY doing an EN job like answering the call bell and doing parameters and updating the goddamn I/O charts when there's no one around to help do that for them. But when they spot a student nurse, well, hey, who do you think they call for help?

Don't get me wrong, I still love helping people. Yea, I might grumble inside and my face would sometimes go a little darker. But I always approach the patient with at least a little smile. And when I did what I had to do for the patients and they talk to me while I'm at it and they thank me after that... I'd say it was worth it. For a moment you feel glad and humbled. It lasts for some time. And then you draw back the curtains around the patient's bed and all the rest of the work lies waiting for you. Man!

The staff, well, my staff, are really not all that bad. They're really not. I like them a lot. Sometimes when there's a lull during work, some of them actually apologizes and thank me after I did what they told me to do. At the end of the day, they kid with you. How can I stay angry or dislike them?

The doctors, the housemen mostly, some of them can be so bloody cocky, swaggering everywhere, writing and signing things we tell them to write and sign and then leaving it there on the already messy nurses' counter. God! When I think about some of them, well 2 exactly, I just wish I could give them a hard shove. But others.. mmm =)

I'm excited. I'm excited for what's coming. Of course, there are dread, definitely. But, well, let's see.



I'm not afraid of the ringing phone anymore!
In my own world,
4:33 PM