Blogskin done by 16thday with image from Taringa .

Yesterday I checked it was 720. Now it's 800 hugs. I'm like touched to the core la. Hahah.

Anyway, it's been another week. This week was quite "Whheee!!" I've been in a positive and pleasant mood for the whole week. I don't want to have PMS anymore!! I like feeling happy.

Ok so on Tuesday, it was Hari Raya. We went out to visit relatives. It was relatively fun. I'm just in love with my outfit la. Hahah. When I came home that night I didn't want to take off my outfit. Haha. I felt pretty and happy. I got to see my cousin's 2 month old baby boy. I was like "Arghhh!! So cuuuttee!!". I love babies! Now that I'm learning about maternal & infant nursing and paediatric nursing, I'm more aware of babies and little children. Not that I wasn't before. And I also saw my other cousin who's 14 this year. He's grown up so much! He's taller than me and he's voice had changed. And he's sooo handsome! When he smiled and laughed I was like "Whoa!! Cute guy alert! Cute guy alert!". I'm close to his sister so she knows about it and we just laughed about it. Fun! Hahah.

Wednesday, my neighbour downstairs came to our house. Another cute guy in the house!! He looked so good when he smiled and laughed, I couldn't help going "kettle-boiling" when he saw me through the window. He's 16 years old and taller than me. Hahaha. I'm 18. Walao.. one 14, the other 16. Anyway, the parents thought I was younger than my second sister. Hah! And my sis was like "Ohhh.. I look old!!" Hahah.

Thursday, I had my 2nd Mandarin class. It was very fun and interesting and really funny. Three guys who sat in front of me are probably in love. Cuz all they asked to translate was "I miss you" and "Do you miss me too" and "adore", etc. Hahah damn funny.

And today, I went for the Asian Pacific Conference thing with some of the other Red Cross members. Had quite some fun. I'll be on duty from 7am to 11pm for two days!I hope I won't be too tired. But I'm excited to the core, please! Hahah. And was SMS-ing Wilson almost the whole time. Whee! Hahah.

And now I'm home and I'm going to start studying! No more last minute studying, please. Hahah.

Thanks for the hugs!
Muah!

I really don't want anymore PMS!

And for entertainment purposes, this is me when I was young! Click to see a larger picture.


In my own world,
6:23 PM

A week of school has passed. Mine was full of mood swings. I was much hated by pretty much everyone.

On Thursday, I had my first Mandarin class. I was pretty nervous at first. There were 2 other students who were from my course, Kadir and Stephen. Stephen joined the class because.. let me tell you his story.

He was on attachment. A patient asked Stephen for his slippers in Chinese. Instead, Stephen passed him a blanket. Hahahah. And the patient cursed him until don't know what. So he joined the Mandarin class to find out what the patient was cursing.

So anyway, the class was pretty interesting and absolutely hilarious! It was totally filled with laughter cuz it was funny when we tried to pronounce the Chinese words.

The class ended at 8pm and in the bus, I made a friend, a guy who was in the same class talked to me. So we talked. He's nice.

On Friday, something weird happened. Lia and I were talking about a certain someone, when there was a feeling of nostalgia or something, with all the peace and quiet and breeze and greenery around us, when suddenly, that certain someone SMS-ed me, out of the blue cuz it's been some time since we've contacted each other. So I was like "Woah! Was he spying on me?" or "Is he psychic?".

Well, this certain someone was Wilson. He asked me if I wanted to see what Astronomy Club was like. It took me some time to decide and I need quite a lot of assurance that he really wanted me to come along. So in the end, I did go along. The nearer the time came for me to meet all the other members, the more I dreaded it cuz Wilson wanted to leave me alone, forcing me to make friends. But see, I'm shy. It's just my nature. So I was nervous and angry to a certain extent. He made me feel and think that I can't make friends. Then we went to Republic Polytechnic for a lecture on Astronomy. It was interesting but I know next to nothing about astronomy. I don't even know what the planets are. But I had fun laughing though. The members are quite friendly. Especially this guy called J or Jay? And this girl who was with me almost the whole time. She's really friendly. And this other guy who knows Boon Yen. He's cute. I mean he has this adorable face la.

And Wilson was.. hahah a teeny bit irritating with his space worm and space handkerchief. But I didn't mind. He likes scaring me. Anyway, I was quite happy to see him. Missed him, I suppose?

I got home at about 12 midnight. The whole day, from morning to that night, all I had was a small cup of milo. But who cares, right?

Today, Saturday, I went out with Lia and some other Year 1s and some lecturers from my course to Geylang. It was like a cultural outing or something. So we went to the bazaar to see the stalls there and stuff. It was HOT. And I needed a drink badly. But I had to wait until the break fast time to drink. The things I do to get CCA points. I'm just hungry and greedy for CCA points. If only I signed up for stuff way back when I was still in the first year. Anyway, I made new friends too!

You might realize that I wrote "I made new friends" quite a few times. I'm trying to like shove the fact to his face that I CAN make friends. Well maybe more like acquaintances. I need more time to be really friends with them. But I know I can.

Anyway, I'm suddenly very interested in volunteering for stuff. Especially if it's interesting and can earn me CCA points.

And who is giving me all the hugs? I'm really curious but it's also nice not to know. But if I know the person, maybe I could give a hug back? But if I don't, I wouldn't mind either cuz at least I know someone out there likes me.

I don't feel special when I'm with you anymore. I'm no different than your other friends, am I?
In my own world,
10:13 PM

Are you trying to avoid me? Cuz everytime I go online, you'll go offline. I'm not saying this in a sad/hurt way. More like "whatever with a smirk" kind of way. I feel like I'm in the mood to criticize and insult you, the one that's so special and most dearest to me. There's so much I want to say. But I won't. I'm going "whatever".
In my own world,
10:20 PM

School starts TOMORROW! Give me a minute to let me contain my excitement.

(1 minute later)

Ok I'm good.

Have I told you how much I despise crowded places? Especially those where you stand, and you find yourself back to back (or back to front or front to front) with another person. Like yesterday, I went grocery shopping at Sheng Siong at Loyang Point. I don't know why my mom wants to shop there but she did. Anyway, it was crowded. Filled with fellow shoppers. Plus the store was filled end to end, floor to ceiling with products. And it was not that huge a store. And the aisles between shelves of products were made to accommodate one human being at a time. Or maybe one and a half of a human being. It was torture to even stand still, pressed against a damned shelf. And it felt wrong just standing there looking at products because you'd feel like you're blocking the way. So you have to keep moving. Anyway, to sum it all in a short sentence, it was so crowded that you wouldn't even know if you were molested or it was just the small space for you to move that when you move, you'll hit something, or someone.

Ok I'm all out of stuff to say. So.. oh wait. I baked a cake yesterday and it was YUM. I liked the crust. Crunchy.

Bye!
In my own world,
2:35 PM

I went on hiatus for 3 days. Bored to death but I showed myself I can stick to what I planned. I wanted to cut my contacts with the outside world for three days, and I did. I'm so proud of myself. Which also goes to show that whatever I put my mind to, I can do it. And I will do it, no matter how much the temptation could get to me.

I watched Oprah. I learned that I shouldn't have a low self-esteem. It wouldn't get me anywhere. I shouldn't be so pathetic to get people's approval, trying to be what they like or want me to be. I should be myself. I shouldn't be embarrassed and think too much. I should just heck care what negative thoughts or words they have or say about me. But of course, whatever constructive comments they tell me, I would reflect on it and improve myself. I'm going to be the best of me from now on. In terms of personality (which I think I already have; I just have to get it out), in terms of relationships (family and friends; no boyfriends yet please, I'm not ready) and definitely in terms of studies and my participation in succeeding in school.

GO NADIAH!!

And when I'm in my middle age, say, 40-45, I'm going to write a letter to my younger self. What would I tell my younger self? I learned that in Oprah.

Right now, the only thing I'm looking forward to is hitting the books. I even thought of emailing my lecturers to give me something to do, a headstart before school reopens.

I'm also looking forward to the first day of Hari Raya. I can't wait to put on my pretty new gown. My mom said it's too much. Like I'm going to some important function or something. But whatever. I like to look pretty.

I'm also looking forward to the Asian Pacific Conference that's taking place in Singapore. I really hope I'd be selected.

I feel really positive at the moment. A total opposite from what I was a few days ago. It's good. GOOOOD!

And to those who gave me the hugs, THANK YOU! Who knows, you might be someone I'd do good deeds on.
In my own world,
9:37 PM

I cried myself to sleep last night. It's the heart pain kind of crying. Didn't get to sleep until 2am.

I wrote the whole of the first event. I predicted I'll cry one day. And I did. This morning I wrote 4 pages of writing paper about the recent event. And then I tore all of them up and threw them away. (I'm sorry trees.)

I'm saying goodbye.

I'm not going to be deeply involve with anyone anytime in the near future. I'm grabbing hold of my stand to concentrate on my studies and excel in them. I won't neglect anyone. Never. But I won't put my heart on a silver platter, waiting for it to be torn apart by ugly, painful-looking and dirty claws either.
In my own world,
7:47 PM

Well this sucks.

Went to fly kite with my god brother and the rest of the group, who in the end didn't turn up. It was supposed to relieve all the pent up sorrow and rage. It helped for a while. Can't believe I cried.

Then something terrible happen. There was a misunderstanding between him and his girlfriend. Boy, do I feel guilty. I feel so guilty, that if I'm in court, the judge, even my lawyer can see I'm guilty. I don't have to deny or whatever lor. I feel damn sad and sorry. If I could do anything to help him, I will.

We won't be seeing each other much anymore. Wah.. the feeling is like damn terrible. I just found a new feeling that I've never felt before that is now one of the feelings I hate. If you know me, I hate a lot of feelings.

I just feel worse now than I did when I met him. Now I shall just have to continue with writing on paper and then crush it and throw it away.

I want to cry even more. I don't want to think. Cuz it will lead to feelings. And then I'd just want to stomp on my heart. Well, isn't this selfish of me. I, I, I.

I hope they'll be okay. I hope and wish and pray that my god brother is going to be ok.
In my own world,
11:53 PM

I went out today!! Just thinking what I did just makes me want to laugh and scream with sheer happiness.

Guess what I did? I went ICE SKATING!! My whole life I've been wanting to go ice skating but no one else wanted to. But thank God for Wilson, and now I have!

I met Wilson and his brother and his brother's friends quite early in the morning at Jurong East. When we reached the ice skating rink, I started to panic a little cuz I have NEVER skated before. Nor have I bladed before. So I'm like a baby trying to walk kind of thing. So we got our skates, and I feel pretty in them. Hahah. I like!

The first step into the rink I went like "Oh God. This is impossible!" And for about an hour or two I learnt how to "walk" in those skates. All the while I was at the very edge of the rink hanging on to the banister for my dear life. Wilson was by my side like 98% of the time trying to teach me how to skate. And I was scared of falling. Do you know why? Because the last time I fell on my ass, the air was pushed out of my lungs and I couldn't breathe. The feeling was terrible. That's why I was afraid of falling.

But then, I had my first fall. My heart leaped into my throat, I tell you. It was the scariest thing. After I fell, and realized I could still breathe, I laughed at myself. And I got up, with much difficulty, with Wilson's help and tried to skate again.

I fell quite a few times after that and every one of those falls, I laughed at myself. Of all falls, like about 10+ falls, one fall was like the ultimate. I've never fallen like I did. Ever. Ok, what happened was, I was already quite the pro. Ok, not pro but I knew how to skate already! I was finally skating hand in hand with Wilson in the middle of the rink. And right in the centre, I fell! The spotlights were in the centre. And let me tell you, I didn't exactly fall gracefully. The impact/force was so hard, that when I fell, I rolled over 360 degrees! And my head hit the ice a bit. I was like WOAH! Hahahah! As usual, I laughed at myself. And Wilson laughed at me too. Boy, doesn't he just love laughing at me. He's laughed at me the few times I fell. Hahah but what the heck. I'd rather he laugh at me than.. NOT laugh at me.

There were other funny falls too. I was already at the edge, holding the banister, but my skates just gave way and I slipped. I tried to hang on to the banister, and God was I desperately hanging on, but I just couldn't regain my balance and I fell, hitting the wall of the banister. Hahahah! Wilson came over and he was like "I heard something hit the wall and I saw you on the floor." Something like that. Hahaha! If anyone saw how I hung on to the banister, they'd say I looked like a monkey. Seriously. It wasn't pretty. Another time, I hit my lip against the clear hard plastic on top of the banister. It hurt but it didn't bleed. And one time, Wilson almost fell on top of me. The rest I just plain fell on my butt. It hurt.

So we skated, his brother and his brother's friends were like super friendly and really nice. I was quite proud of myself that I was able to learn how to skate, into the middle of the rink, in one day.

And I enjoyed myself SOOOO much!! I enjoyed skating, I enjoyed skating with Wilson, I enjoyed how friendly the people at the rink were, and I even enjoyed falling like a dozen times. It was fun! You get to laugh at yourself. Laughing at yourself is good. Laughing itself is good.

After that, we went to the arcade. Then Wilson's brother and his friends left. So he brought me to the library to look around. And then we went to the Science Centre. FUN!! Lots and lots of fun.

And then he had to go back to school and I went home.

I didn't realize how sore and bruised I am until I got home. I could hardly sit cuz my butt hurt from falling too many times on it, I had difficulty kneeling cuz I fell on my knees too and there were bruises on both my upper arms. I guess those are from the times when I tried to brake by grabbing the banister and hitting my arm against it as well. OUCH!!

I'm just tired and sore and bruised. But I've never had so much fun.
In my own world,
9:14 PM